F My Life
by afrozenheart412
Summary: What the characters of CSI NY might go through while having a FML moment for 3 years running! :D Enjoy! The first chapter is the only one that doesn't have a Sid moment.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This is my first story, one that I haven't browbeaten poor Brina into writing. All mistakes are mine, this is unbeta'd. I do want to thank everyone who has encouraged me to write and Hylen for introducing me to the FML website on NewYorkAngels (Brinchen86's website dedicated to the wonderful women of CSI NY).

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Today I was caught looking down one of my boss's low cut top. Unfortunately, it was by my other boss during a group meeting on sexual harassment. FML

Today I was on the subway flirting with a cute girl, asking what she was studying and so on. I had the deal closed until I called her Lindsay. FML

Today I was so hungry, I went to a street vendor on the corner and downed four hot dogs. An hour later I had to arrest the same vendor for unsafe amounts of insect fecal matter in his food. FML

Today is my birthday; I was having a good time until my partner popped in a tape of me trying out the RoboSpanker in evidence lockup. I had forgotten about the security cameras. FML

Today I found a pickle on my desk and lost it on the detective who was working the same case as I, for messing with me. Like I was going to go into a spontaneous fit while eating it. Turns out my new partner had grabbed an extra one for me when he went out to get lunch. FML

Today I after work I decided to surprise my boyfriend with a little 'somethin, somethin' so I put on my raciest lingerie, my trench coat, and with a fresh can of condom spray; off I went. I really wish his best friend hadn't answered the door when I opened my coat. FML

Today I was giving a walking tour to some city officials through our lab; they were acting very immature with snickering and elbowing each other. I stopped to give them a piece of my mind about what important business we do here and it should be treated as such. One of them raised her hand and said that they know it is important business, but some of them wondered why I was wearing a paper hat. It turns out two of my colleagues set up a demonstration using paper airplanes and one got caught in my hair. FML

Today I grabbed an evidence bag off a lab tech's coat. It seems the tape had come loose when she had sat down on it, not knowing it was on her chair. Later that day I heard a rumor that she thinks I tried to grab her butt. FML

Today my finger slipped on the answering machine and hit play them instead of delete, while I was working up the nerve to tell the woman who has been there for me that I love her. She had just walked in when the message started. It seems that my English ex-girlfriend wants me back and is still in love with me. FML

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Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know it is not much, but I like it and I hope you did as well.


	2. Chapter 2

I forgot to do this in the first chapter. Disclaimer: I don't own them or in anyway infringe on their owners' rights…however, I can't be responsible for the stuff they do in my head.

I want to thank EVERYONE who left a review and put me on story alerts and their favorites…it means a great deal and I was smiling for weeks. Thank you. Lily Moonlight, DNAisUnique, and fwuzzfwuzz, you guys inspired three of these, enjoy. :)

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Today after hauling that stupid doll all around, I was looking forward to a little dinner with my woman. We settled down and had a very nice meal. She didn't seem to eat much but that was okay until she leaned over halfway through dessert and asked me "So…are you happy with all of the money you saved on dinner?" FML

Today I tried to bluff my way out of being in Peaking Tom's off the clock, when a co-worker and his girlfriend spotted me in the store. It would have worked until my boyfriend came up to me and said that he liked the feel of the fur lined cuffs better than the feather ones. FML

Today I called my new wife and spelled out what I wanted to do to her in graphic detail, when she got back from visiting her family. If only her dad hadn't picked up her cell phone while she was in the bathroom. FML

Today I was telling a colleague how my wife and I met at college. I was just getting to the best part on how I impressed her by showing her my trick on using my mouth, a peacock feather, and a rubber frog, when I noticed that he looked behind me with wide eyes. It had slipped my mind that the annual performance review with the Chief of D's and the Head of the Crime lab was scheduled for this afternoon. FML

Today I was meeting my new boss. I paused to go under the crime tape, when a sneezing detective stopped me and told me that the high school bus I was supposed to be on was on the other side of the building. FML

Today I was splashed with some type of liquid at a massage parlor we were processing, so my partner graciously allowed me into his apartment to change. Hearing voices in the kitchen, I thought I would have some fun with his girlfriend. I stripped off my clothes and strolled out in my underwear asking if he still wanted that massage, that it would cost him an extra $200. His mother didn't get the joke. FML

Today is my friend's overdue bachelor party and to celebrate I told a friend to get us a tape for 'entertainment.' Now I have angry cops, one confused lab tech, and a laughing groom in my living room all because the tape really was a walrus documentary. FML

Today I was giving a lecture on lab safety and how to always be aware of what is going on around you. A lot of smirks and snickers followed that, nothing unusual. Until a couple hours later in the men's room, I looked into the mirror and noticed that I had a lipstick smudge on my cheek. FML

Today while showing off some dance moves for my partner and a colleague, I heard a large rip, tear through the air. I had split my pants during the reenactment. FML

Today I set a trap for the person who has been moving stuff around in my lab. Unfortunately for me, the culprit who I thought responsible…was innocent. But I did-did reassure my boss that the luminous dye would fade away after seven to ten days. *nervous laugh* I hope he doesn't kill-kill me. FML

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Thank you again for taking the time to read and enjoy. I hope I have entertained you so that you leave me a review guessing who is who, and telling me your favorites. Bye!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own, wish that I did but the scratch offs aren't in my favor.

Here it is everyone, the third chapter. I'm sorry about the long wait, but the characters weren't cooperating in my head. :) I wanted to thank Lily with being okay with my stealing a bit of Hamlet myself. This was written way before her chapter in Old West (check it out), but she is cool with it. And Brinchen86 for inspiring the FML with Adam. Thank you for that! On with the show!

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Today I was rushing around trying to tidy up the apartment before work in my last clean blouse, when the baby decided she didn't like the lima beans I had fed her earlier. FML

Today I was taking a slow stroll around the block enjoying the sun, when my back seized up a little. Sitting down in front of a bodega where we grab milk occasionally, the owner came out and told me if I didn't get lost he would call the cops. He thought I was homeless. FML

Today I found a parking space right up in front; God must love me, so I took it. It only occurred to me later that something might have been off after my best friend and his wife were grousing that they had to park around the corner, since someone parked in the last handicap spot in front of the lab. FML

Today while rehearsing for my part in my daughter's play, the detectives on the case interrupted me with the skull I was borrowing. Alas, poor Yorick will have to wait until I give them cause of death. FML

Today I was walking in the park looking for evidence when I stepped into something gooey. I really hate that I had to throw out those heels. FML

Today I was taking a dog's prints when he jumped up and placed his paws on my colleague's new designer white blouse that I had borrowed. FML

Today I was in Second Life flirting with this female bunny while waiting on some results, when another avatar walked up to me and told me to get back to work. FML

Today I was looking after the baby for her parents. I was having a great time until I found out the leak proof diapers I bought on the fly, didn't live up to their advertisement. FML

Today I was running late for work and couldn't change into my regular clothes. Dumpster diving and bike shorts are a nasty combination. FML

Today I woke up in my boyfriend's apartment and looking for something of his to wear, found a "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" T-shirt in the back of his closet. When a knock at the door sounded, I put the shirt on and called out if he wanted to find my pot of gold as I opened the door. There could have been better ways of meeting Lieutenant and Mrs. Flack. FML

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As always, I would love a review to see if you knew who was who. And if you hated it, I will even take that. Thank you for reading. :)


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't anything related to CSI NY. I feel your guys' pain at typing this over and over...it smarts.

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Today I was determined to show my partner I was not a 'girl' and picked his pocket while he was grabbing something out of the back of the break room fridge. Now I have to attend a sexual harassment course because my boss doesn't have a sense of humor about these kinds of things. FML

Today I was kissing my new girlfriend when I murmured the name Peyton. FML

Today my wife and I took our daughter and her boyfriend out to dinner. While I was in the middle of eating my black king snapper, I was about to threaten him with a live autopsy if he didn't treat her right when we were interrupted by my old college girlfriends stopping by the table wanting to say hi. FML

Today after interviewing some executives well trained in karate…I wanted to see if I could work some moves. Unfortunately one of my heels punctured the water cooler jug near the elevators, shorting it out. Now we have to walk up the entire thirty five floors. FML

Today I decided to tell my boss off after finding out that all of my lucky numbers came up on the NY state lotto! I was in the middle of yelling at him about how I have had it up to here with his barking orders at us hard working cops, when my girlfriend pulled me aside and showed me that my numbers matched last week's lotto. I hope my temporary reassignment to the St. Patrick's Day parade detail goes smoothly. FML

Today I was manhandled and searched when the Federal Reserve security alarms went off. Thank god they found the gold bar in my knapsack where my buddy put it, before the other guards had a chance to snap on the rubber gloves. FML

Today I was called out to a scene and arrived to see my ex-girlfriend being interviewed by the detective I used to have 'dinner, a few drinks, and some laughs' with. Not to mention my wife canvassing the area for more evidence. Sometimes it doesn't pay to get up in the morning. FML

Today was my day to clean out our cruiser. When I was done, my partner and I spent our 'lunch' hour in it. It wasn't until after, that we realized that the back doors only open from the outside. FML

Today my new partner and I were examining a doll when our boss walked by saying what a lovely family we made. FML

Today I decided to get a haircut, when I overhead a tech say that I looked like a grown up Steve Urkel. FML

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I know I lamed out over the last one but he is really hard to make fun of. I would do something from It Happened To Me but to me, that would be cruel. As always I hope you enjoyed reading what my weird brain has come up for the team, and would appreciate a review. Thank you! :)


	5. Chapter 5

I was inspired by falling into heaven's Thoughts on a rainy afternoon, chapter 3, for one of these FML's. If you are currently reading her story, you know which one. And Lily, I hope two certain FMLs, make you smile and erase what I did in the last chapter! :D Enjoy!

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Today I tried to catch a glimpse of my partner changing out of her opera dress but got an unwelcome look at our lab tech instead. Now every time he sees me, he throws my evidence results at me and scuttles away. FML

Today I went to my weekly Roller Derby game to work out a little aggression. I put on my uniform 'The Flying Furie,' and who should I block in the first quarter? Our new Deputy Inspector! FML

Today I met my new partner in the locker room when he came out of the showers in a towel. The towel was around his neck at the time. FML

Today I so excited for my big date after work! I showered, shaved, and checked the reservation time at the restaurant; I felt really good about this. Until I started up my car and the inside exploded in a cloud of gold glitter. I guess my friend didn't appreciate the trick I played on him at the Federal Reserve. FML

Today I was sent to a scene in a bombed out building, I didn't notice that my friend entered silently behind me until he exclaimed "Boom!" It's too bad for him that he didn't see the hammer, encased in an evidence bag in my hand. FML

Today I was finally home after putting up with being called 'Montana' all day, and about to relax when my cell phone rang. Thinking it was my partner; I picked it up and forcefully told him that I wanted to be left the hell alone. It was my mother calling to wish me a Happy Easter. FML

Today I was double dog dared by two detectives that I had to perform a scene from Tennessee William's play or lose the pot of cash. I thought since my boss was out in the field I had a clear opportunity to win! What-what I didn't know was that one of them had recorded it on his cell phone and then sent-sent it to her via an interoffice memo. FML

Today I was having dinner with my best friend. While we were eating and talking about her case with the Greek coins, she started giving me these weird looks. Turns out I wasn't munching on carrots, but my chopsticks the whole time. FML

Today I only had few minutes for lunch when I sneaked my popcorn in, on someone else's time with the microwave. It wasn't until a former colleague walked in and asked me if the tattoo came through on the flesh that he was zapping, that I realized my mistake. FML

Today after the detective and I wrapped up a homicide/gambling case in a pizza parlor, I went back to the lab and updated my boss and my colleagues on my findings. Everything went smoothly, until my wise guy of a partner raised his hand and asked what the hand prints in baker's yeast on my ass had to do with the case. FML

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As always, thank you for stopping by! A review would be appreciated.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's note: I hope you guys enjoyed these, because some of them actually made me fall off my chair laughing. I hope you like them as well. One of these popped into my brain after reading mnt31092's Lucy Is Missing. Check it out, it is a really funny story! Oh and Lily...put down your tea! I don't want to be responsible for ruining your computer! :)

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI NY.

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Today I was still pumped from tasering that bag seller, when I went back into the jail cell to collect more evidence from where he fell. I heard a sound behind me and zapped the person before I recognized the detective that I regularly work with. He won't be happy when he stops twitching. FML

Today I decided to initiate a new detective into the ways of the Morgue, so I had a tech of mine hide underneath a sheet and spook her by sitting up. Unfortunately when he sat up she freaked out, stumbled back and accidentally knocked herself out. I had her shoulders and the tech had her legs to lift her onto the table, when the entire crime lab jumped out of the elevator to yell 'Surprise' in honor of her first autopsy. FML

Today I took my stepson to a pigeon racing event, but I forgot to tell him to bring an umbrella. FML

Today I was in the middle of razzing my girlfriend about her attachment to a NYFD calendar that she bought from a co-worker when she opened one of my desk drawers to borrow my stapler, only to find my Kingdom Of Jamalot poster. FML

Today at a scene, I was trying to impress my co-worker with my knowledge of New York City. When something small and white came out of nowhere, hitting me on the forehead, knocking me out cold. Damn those urban golfers! FML

Today after a long night shift, I called my boyfriend just to tell him I loved him. When he answered, he yelled into the phone to leave him the hell alone and slammed the receiver down. I hadn't realized that I called him at 3:33 a.m. FML

Today I saw my on duty boyfriend with a tall brunette at a bar, so I decided to teach him a little lesson. I slipped into his apartment to put peanut butter in his shoes, dusted his hockey jersey with itching powder, and zapped random dvds of his Doctor Who collection. Later that night at dinner, I met his sister. FML

Today I made the mistake of taking my cayenne pepper and lemon juice with me into the lab; I didn't notice Blake sitting down the urine sample he was about to test. FML

Today was so hot; I decided to take a little nap on an autopsy table. When I woke up, I was in one of the drawers; I guess techs didn't recognize me. I only wish they hadn't removed my clothes. FML

Today at dinner I found a present from my husband, hidden in my salad. I teased him later about it over the chicken parmesan, when he told me he didn't put anything in my food. Now I really wish I hadn't eaten that roach. FML

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Again, thank you very much for reading. I would love to hear from you! Thank you!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own, but I would like to.

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Today I was busy rushing around the office following up on some leads, that I forgot to eat breakfast and lunch. So when I saw some Twinkies on my desk I grabbed it and ate them quickly. Then the resident lab tech walked into the bull pen and asked if I had seen his evidence, he left it on my desk. FML

Today I was trying to tickle my new girlfriend with my uninjured hand, behind her knee under the conference table; but she kept batting it away during our boss's rundown of our caseload. After everything was finished, we were about to get up and leave when my boss announced how happy he was for us and to keep the tickling out of the lab. I forgot that the table was made out of glass. FML

Today I just finished processing the rat traps when my partner finally took his turn to pay and pick up his share of the meals. He bought me eggs. FML

Today a few of my co-workers were making fun of me about flirting with the boss's past girlfriends, when I told them that if he ever found out about my one night stand with his current one, he'd probably kill me. I didn't know he was standing behind at the time. FML

Today I spent the entire day watching the CSIs conducting a reenactment using a pig, to see if it was possible to match the wound patterns we found. Later I met my girlfriend for dinner at her parents place, her mother baked a ham. FML

Today I thought I would surprise my husband with an adult dinner out. So I found a baby sitter, we dressed up, and off we went. Pulling up to the place, my husband kept trying to tell me something but I was eager to get in. When we were shown to our table I didn't know the sushi place I booked, served their food off of naked women. FML

Today I went to the car to put away all of the evidence we collected from the roller derby, when I noticed a piece of paper under the windshield wiper. On one side there was a name and number asking me out, the other was a parking ticket for being in a loading zone. FML

Today I treated my wife to a dinner out, we were a little blotto when we came home and decided to make out like teenagers on the couch. I didn't know our daughter had come home early from college, until she walked downstairs to find out what the strange noises were. FML

Today I woke up and decided to shave off all of my facial hair. I felt younger and energized by all of the double takes I was getting, until the lab security guard stopped me and asked for some identification. We've known each other for eight years. FML

Today I decided to take revenge on the chuckle heads that have been messing with my boyfriend and disrupting the work place. So I went down to Laughing Larry's and bought a couple of packets of itching powder. What I didn't take into account, is that all lab coats look alike. FML

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I want to apologize for leaving this to collect dust for so long. My funny bone disappeared and I had to take a break from watching CSI NY for a while. But now I'm back and I hope you enjoy this and found it funny. This is dedicated to Brinchen86, StaraptorEmpoleon, and alwaysinmyheart16 for the kick in the butt. I hope this was fun for you as it was for me, the characters are still doing crazy things in my head. Thank you for sticking with me.


	8. Chapter 8

One of these FML's is for a friend, SMacked Hard. All credit for and creation of the nickname, is hers. :) Enjoy, my friend! Another thing, with the recent news, please know that Stella will never leave this story, I have too much fun putting her and the rest of the team in FML situations. And there will be no additions, ten people in my head is more than enough for me to deal with.

Disclaimer: Nope, they aren't mine yet.

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Today I've been so frustrated with the weather with it being so humid, that thought I had my hair under control. Until I overheard a lab tech ask what was wrong with Poodle. FML

Today I was making out with the new lab tech in my apartment when she fell on top of me, I was really excited that everything was going so well. Until I looked up from kissing her neck to see that she had passed out. That's the last time I take my friend's advice that dinner, a few drinks, and some laughs were the key to women. FML

Today my family and I went for a nice relaxing stroll in the park, when we ran into a former neighbor of mine from my old building. She showed us a picture of her little girl, she was four. FML

Today I had to go shopping for a dress to wear at the opera. Nothing was fitting right, so I asked a clerk if they had any smaller sizes in the back. She looked down at me and suggested I try the junior section. FML

Today I drove my best friend, his wife, and their little girl home; because I told them that another old enemy of my friend's past escaped from jail. I didn't know how much my lie would affect my friend's wife until she pulled out her piece and kicked in their apartment door after hearing some noises. I was in charge of getting them to her surprise birthday party. FML

Today I thought I was playing footsie with the new lab tech that is, until she got up and left when the meeting finished. The six foot detective we all work with walked over and told me that although he likes me as a friend, he already has a girlfriend. FML

Today I was in a strip joint processing some clothes and another possible victim, when we were approached by a guy who asked if we could give him a lap dance. He was willing to pay extra for both of us. FML

Today I took down this suspect, who was twice the size and weight of me, in the middle of our busy bullpen. I was so proud of myself that I crowed to the CSI and cops standing around me, who had it on me? When my dad walked in and handed me my paper bagged lunch that I accidentally left at home. FML

Today while trying to work up the nerve again to ask my partner out on a date, I commented that she smelled nice. She gave me a weird look and bolted for the showers. After my employees stopped laughing, they told me that she just got done with dealing with a three day old corpse. I forgot that the Odor Screen, from my new hire's demonstration, was still on my lip. FML

Today I was finishing up a ten hour post and was sewing up the body when my wife called. The sound was muffled, I was so relieved when I found it in my pocket. Until later, when I noticed that my watch was missing. FML

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As always I hope you had a good laugh or smile, thank you for taking the time! :)


	9. Chapter 9

I hadn't realized what today is. It isn't if this day doesn't hold a place in my heart for those who have suffered this day, and for those who continue to do so. But I want to laugh and celebrate that nothing will ever hold us down, we always will bounce back, I do that through laughter. I hope you who read this aren't offended by that. Thank you.

Author's Note: I also want to thank Brinchen86 for looking over some of these FMLs for me, thank you! She is my beta for this. And as promised, the last one is for iluvcsi4ever! :D

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in relation to CSI NY.

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Today I was feeling pretty confident with the katana after using it for a while, when I saw the object of my affection walk by. I went to put it in the scabbard at my waist, when I felt a sudden chill in the air. The sword had sliced through my belt and pants. I was standing there in front of my partner/crush and the whole lab in my black T-shirt and smiley face boxers. FML

Today I was in my friend's office teasing him about how much the dog, he brought into work, looked like him. I was having a great time until the dog lifted his leg and peed on me. My friend only smirked, gave him a dog biscuit, and told me that now he sees the resemblance before he picked up the dog and left. These were new shoes too. FML

Today I stopped by a little cafe in Greece and ordered some coffee in my native language. My feeling of pride in my heritage and bilingual abilities vanished when the barista told me, in perfect English, to wait a second because she couldn't understand what I was saying to her. She had to go and get a translator. FML

Today I could finally relax, camping for the first time with my husband and my family under the stars. I thought everything was going quite well, until my brothers pulled out their banjos. FML

Today while at a pawn shop with my friend, I was absentmindedly looking in the jewelry case when I recognized a pendant. I asked the clerk for a description of the person who he bought it from, turns out that my ex-girlfriend really didn't like the Ranger necklace that I bought her. I had it engraved for her. FML

Today I was asked to come to my boss's office; there he was with the Chief of Detectives to tell me that I had my job back. I guess the Chief hadn't heard my messages from last night, when I was drunk dialing, to tell him what he could do with his new machines. I wonder if the FBI is still taking resumes. FML

Today I was feeling very good after my dinner date with my current girlfriend last night, until I got to work. Turns out the restaurant we went to, the owner was involved in a murder. We ordered the swordfish. FML

Today after donning the blond wig and blue dress for the undercover assignment, I was standing around waiting to be officially released after the shootout. When a cop I went to the academy with walked up and asked me how much my rate was. He thought I was high price call girl. FML

Today while carving our Thanksgiving turkey, I mentioned to my family how close it was to carving a lung to check for pulmonary edema. It's now December 4th, and I still have twenty pounds of leftover turkey. FML

Today while processing the inside of a chemical toilet the door accidentally slammed shut behind me, locking it. The even worse news is the detective in charge of watching me, had to leave five minutes earlier because he had to go back to headquarters to relieve himself. He won't go in public. FML

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For those of you, who have been with CSI NY from the first season, will recognize the last one. You don't know how many times I have tried to come up with something that had to do with the episode Tri-Borough. Thank god it finally worked! As always thank you for taking time to read this, I hope you had fun!


	10. Bonus, 1st Anniversary

I know some people don't like huge Author's Notes but bear with me, I have a lot to say about the people who have helped me get to this point.

This is my first story and I thought it would be fitting do something special, not only for keeping this going for a whole year but also for hitting my 100th review! AH! I still can't believe that you guys love this story and that you're still with me. Congratulations go to Brinchen86 for being my 100th reviewer! *huge hugs* I really was going to leave this as a one shot until so many of you asked for more (you know who you are). Knowing that I've brightened your day, by making you smile or laugh truly is the best reward that I can get. And I want to take this moment to thank each and every one of you who have made this happen, because without you, I'd still be in denial about being part of the writing process.

Thank you lily moonlight, chrysalis escapist, and Brinchen86 for encouraging me and prodding me by telling me that I could write a story too. Thank you to laurzz for being the first one to get me to stop lurking and finally set up an account of my own. Thank you to those have reviewed: Hypedupash, Brinchen86, lily moonlight, Brown-Eyed Girl 75, xocsinylvrMesserMonroe, newyorkminute, just-off-the-key-off-reason, Storywriter, DantanaMM, unlikelyRLshipper, SMacked Hard, Fourteen Lights, cindym30, laurzz, DNAisUnique, Lola-Ladybug13, BlueEyedAuthor, xDollfacex, racefh853629, SMACkedHuddy, serenimon02, iheartcsinewyork, the-almost-invisible-kid, Nik Nak17, Is-Brea-LiomCSI-NY, Promising Love 625, iluvcsi4ever, Lime Sweet Pea, dannymesserforever11, StaraptorEmpoleon, alwaysinmyheart16, dogtanian, webdlfan, messermonroeforever125, and Yoto-Ziva-Blye.

Thank you to those who have put me on story alert, their favorite stories, and authors; and to the lurkers. All of you put a smile on my face and bounce in my steps. I never thought that I could do this. I really do have a hard time trying to get what I want to say out and to see all of you who are amazing authors in your own right take a chance on me, is humbling.

And last but _certainly _not least, my deepest gratitude goes to Hylen. She is the one who told me about www(.)fmylife(.)com site on New York Angels (a CSI NY fan board.) Because of her, while I was watching one of my many marathons of CSI NY, an idea formed. It started with Danny and it spun off from there. If you can't make fun of the ones you love...it would be a sad world. That is why all of the characters are equal in my mind; I have so much fun torturing them all. :)

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Now back to the story at hand, BlueEyedAuthor asked me to think up some FMLs for the OCs on here. I didn't feel comfortable borrowing other people's hard work on what makes their characters them, and I really don't know that many. But this idea popped into my head instead, I hope that everyone gets a good laugh and a lot of fun reading about the different sort of characters in CSI NY. *winks* It was almost wicked, the fun I had with this. ;D

***Warning: Possible spoilers ahead. Don't want to know, please don't read any further. Thank you.***

Disclaimer: I don't own them, all credit for _them _goes to the CSI NY writers. Heehee! 

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Today we found this punk ass poseur rat thinking he was one of us in Billy Bats, looking for some action. So we gave it to him, by helping him rob a bodega. Too bad he killed the guy. Now we have a problem, it's time to look him dead in the eye and watch the lights go out. I just wish that our gang had been a little smarter in getting rid of the portable sander after we destroyed the Mickey Mantle bat. FML

Today I kidnapped my half-sister, hopped a private jet from Miami to New York, and forced her break into our father's safe to get what was rightfully mine. Finding out that my other half-sister had the same thing in mind when it came to the million dollars…oh well, I wonder if dear old dad scotch guarded the carpets. FML

Today I stole some laptops from DHS, hacked into some cellular phone networks, and set up some bombs to be detonated by the people trying to catch me. Who knew after all my hard work to set up this demonstration, something simple as my shoe prints in blue powder would be the problem? FML

Today I hid the black cocaine I stole in some toner cartridges, killed a paint ball player, and tried to clean up the crime scene by digging out the bullet. I didn't count on a Macy's Day Parade balloon taking me down. FML

Today I was having a good day; I got out of work early and stopped off for a beer with some friends. I refused the bartender's advice in surrendering my keys; I only had a few beers. A short time later I was pulled over and arrested for driving under the influence. I didn't think much of the cops taking my fingerprints at the police station until a ten-year-old murder of four girls popped up in connection. Now I question why I didn't take the bartender's advice. FML

Today I set the alarm to wake me up in order to make an important call. To wind down before my nap, I went over my mental check list. I found an old puzzle, my brother's T-shirt, and his old messenger bag while digging around in some old boxes at my mom's. Vandalized a famous building and dug up my brother's body from the cemetery. When I woke up, the clock's face read 3:34 a.m. FML

Today I had fun with the NYPD, leading them to my 'body.' Unfortunately the detective I met online is smart; he doesn't give up so easily. It was so satisfying to kill his virtual self in front of his men in Club Random, but I miss being up close and personal with my silencer and green wig. It just goes to show that anyone can make a mistake, the first time I agree to meet a new client I forget my Kevlar vest. FML

Today I reflected on the many souls I ferried across to the underworld to free them from their deceitful and empty lies. Washing the blood off my hands from the Oracle's throat that I slashed, I was about to leave when men who didn't understand my calling shackled me and took me away. They told me later, it was the smell of candy corn that led them right to me. FML

Today I found out that the hit I put out on the detective who was sticking her pretty Greek nose into my smuggling operation, failed. But I didn't know my greed in following the coins would get me caught in an undercover sting and sent back to Greece trapped in a shipping container filled with food, water, and a bucket. FML

Today I killed a guard when I broke out of custody, led a team of 'science guys' on a goose chase around the city, trapped my prey in a lighthouse, and later fell to my 'death.' When I was breaking into his apartment to steal his daughter in an effort to drive him insane, I didn't count on his wife being armed. FML

* * *

I hope you guys had a wicked time like I did, laughing at the bad guys in here, I would love to know at what point you realized who you were reading about. I know that two of the worse were missing on here, but...*sighs* I didn't want to make light of what happened to Stella and Aiden. The monsters that hurt them deserve to die and rot in the fiery pits of hell! Sorry, but those episodes still tick me off! Thank you for reading, it is deeply appreciated! :)


	11. Chapter 11

I'm so sorry this hasn't been updated, life has been rather busy and in everything when it rains it pours. I'm trying to do better. Lily, I am going to get back to you! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to CSI NY, except for the DVDs. Got the idea for one of these FMLs while posting at New York Angels, dedicated to the wonderful women of CSI NY, and Carmine Giovinazzo Fan Board and! Where else can you find beautiful pictures of Carmine and the women of NY? ;)

* * *

Today I bought a new dress for my dinner date. While eating my appetizer I noticed an itch at the back of my neck, after scratching it a while I finally asked my date if he could rip the tag out. When he brushed my hair aside he found it wasn't the tag bothering me, it was a leech. Our little portobello guy decided to hitch a ride from the lab, back into the city. FML

Today I was flirting with this Suicide Girl at work, when I noticed a former girlfriend of mine walk up to us and start making out with her. Now it makes sense on why she broke my heart. FML

Today my daughter sent me a 'Team Edward' T-Shirt after I told her about a case I helped the CSIs with. FML

Today while I was working in the lab, I felt someone put their hand in my back pocket where my wallet was. Thinking quickly I pushed back and slammed the person into the glass wall, knocking them out. It was my girlfriend acting on my appreciation of her spontaneous gesture after grabbing my 'love handles' at a scene. FML

Today my girlfriend invited me over to her place to meet her brother's new girlfriend that the two of them met at a hockey game a few weeks ago. He doesn't like me but I thought it would be a good way to score some points. It's an evening with my woman, my Rangers, and some good company. Or so I thought, until I found out that his new girlfriend is my ex that I met at the police/fire charity hockey game. FML

Today after being locked in that filthy chemical toilet for an hour, I was finally let out by the locksmith the detective brought to the scene after he found me. Later at Sullivan's, to make up for him leaving, he brought me a fudgesicle. FML

Today my boyfriend and I were fooling around with our handcuffs. After I woke up, I found my hands cuffed to the headboard and a note on my chest saying that he was sorry but he was called in. I thought the note was sweet, but it would have been better if he had remembered to leave the keys. FML

Today I had fun watching my new neighbors through my windows; the mom and her daughter are my favorites. I didn't think they noticed me watching until the cops showed up at my apartment wanting to arrest me for 'peeping.' FML

Today I met a woman at a bar and introduced myself, I thought everything was going great until she asked where I got my name from. I told her that my parents named me after a famous author who wrote The Giving Tree. She didn't get the reference and only associated my name with a character from The Big Bang Theory. FML

Today while in Nabokov's, my partner and I were asking questions when my butt was grabbed. As I turned around to give the guy a piece of my mind, he backed off before I could open my mouth, saying he wasn't into older women. He was the same age as my father. FML

* * *

Thank you for reading, and I hope you had a good laugh. :) Also, I don't mean to offend with the Twilight mentions. I'm not a fan, but I do love to gently make fun.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own. But I do enjoy playing with the characters. :)

* * *

Today my new partner and I were bringing in this suspect when he did the technicolor yawn on his shirt in the middle of the bullpen. He didn't like how I said that it improved the awful tie he was wearing. How was I supposed to know it was a birthday gift from his mother? FML

Today while watching a security video of a street party, I made a wise ass comment about some 'hot hulla hoop action' to a buddy of mine. I didn't notice that my girlfriend, whose trust I'm trying to win back, walked into the room. FML

Today I saw an old woman put something in her purse while in my partner's office. Grabbing a uniform, we walked in and I told her to empty her purse; there it was, the medal that she stole from his days in Beirut. I told the uniform to lock her up, while I returned this to its rightful owner. Fifteen minutes later my partner walked back into his office and I handed him back the medal. He smiled and asked if his mother had shown it to me while he was changing to take us out to dinner. It was supposed to be a surprise; he wanted to introduce me to her. FML

Today I wanted to be adventurous so I called my husband and huskily murmured into the phone, "Your cat is in my garden." All I heard was silence on the other end of the phone to which I teasingly asked "What's wrong? Wasn't he interested in phone sex anymore?" I didn't realize that I accidentally dialed my boss and she had her cell on speaker...in a meeting with the chiefs about how to cut back on items the lab doesn't need. FML

Today a girl I've been tentatively dating broke up with me, because she found out I like Guitar Hero better than Rock Band. FML

Today I was out on a dinner date with a fellow officer. We were having a great time walking through the park talking about how different our jobs were in the department, until we were mugged by a human statue. I guess he found another way to make more money. My partner is going to wet himself when he hears about this. FML

Today my former colleague was talking about how Egyptian princesses were embalmed to prevent necrophilia, to my everlasting regret I can picture this perfectly. FML

Today my daughter sent me a link from college, of a website that has some videos of hilarious drunk people doing weird stuff. It seems my first wife uploaded a video of me celebrating our divorce by getting blotto and falling down a flight a stairs. I thanked god that she didn't catch me taking off my clothes and screaming I'm a free man again, until I checked out the rest of her play list. FML

Today my best friend pulled my desk chair out from under me as I was about to sit down; the entire squad room laughed their asses off, including my girlfriend. So now it was on! Later that day I held out a chair for him to sit in and pulled it out from under him when he made a move to sit down. He injured a muscle in his back when he fell down...no one laughed in interrogation. Everyone was horrified, even the suspect. FML

Today I was running all over the city, first dealing with a woman who stabbed her husband seventeen times. Then the DNA came back on the case and said that it was also connected to a series of other murders, robberies, and drug deals. I also had the chief on my back wanting to go to the press with what we have found, which was very little. Only to discover that it links back to a young woman who handles the cotton swabs with her bare hands because the latex gloves she is required to wear, makes her hands sweaty. FML

* * *

I know the last one wasn't an official FML, but the girl in Dead Reckoning really ticked me off. This FML only represents what I think Mac was thinking at the time.

As for the second to the last one, that was inspired by a real life FML. "Today in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat out from under me when I was about to sit down. I fell, and everybody laughed at me. During the next class I did the same thing to him, and he broke his arm. He is the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML" The reason I cited this is becasue I don't want you to think I'm a plagiarist. I hope you all had fun, thank you for reading. :)


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own, but here's hoping that I find the rights in my stocking! :D Lily, I'm warning you, sit down and put your tea safely on the table! Heehee.

* * *

Today I let it slip at work that I can speak French, my boyfriend was intrigued and wanted to know more. So I told him that I would meet him at his place and I'd show him my version of 'international relations.' I didn't count on his buddy showing up with a six pack and a book filled with baby girl names just as I was in the middle of teaching him the French phrase "la petite mort." Merde! FML

Today I woke up with a temperature, chills, nausea, and congestion. This is what I get with being angry at a friend who fell 'sick' during the Blue Flu! FML

Today IAB locked the lab down for temporarily misplacing $8,000,000. I know it was wrong to tamper with evidence, but I really wanted to see what it was like to try on the Dazzle Lingerie Diamond Bra. FML

Today I noticed that my 4-year-old daughter was a little down, so I asked her what was wrong. She looked at me with anger in her eyes and loudly proclaimed that she wasn't special like my husband told her, she didn't come from a cabbage patch, but because I had sex! Of course it didn't help that she also pointed to the area she came from, or that she had to do this while we were out to dinner. At a packed table with my parents, my in-laws, and our friends. FML

Today I finally convinced the woman of my dreams that I loved her, then we spent all morning making love on a deserted beach in Greece. After waking up in the afternoon sun to some vicious sunburns, I wish I had the foresight to sleep in the prone position. FML

Today my wife and I were on her parent's ranch, when they threw us a belated wedding shower. There were a few gag gifts with a lot of barnyard animals on them. As I was about to open a box, I jokingly asked it if was something ugly with a rooster on it. It was a rooster shaped cookie jar that had been in my mother-in-law's family for four generations. FML

Today while eating my breakfast, I received a call from some cops from the Narco unit and IAB, to meet them at a warehouse. They wanted to go over what happened with the take down of an Irish gang. I ran down what had happened when I noticed that they were staring at me really intently. Glancing in one of the sides mirrors of the many patrol cars around, it made me wish that I had taken my girlfriend's advice to eat something healthier than a couple of powdered donuts. FML

Today I was at a bodega buying something for lunch, when I smiled at a woman with her little boy, offering them some candy. She glared at me and yanked her son away after she paid for her purchases. I guess buying Weather Girls Gone Wild and red hots aren't kid friendly. FML

Today while my wife and I were getting ready for work, I noticed a gray hair on her head. She asked me where and started to search for it so she could pull it out. I teasingly told her that if she did that, two more would grow in its place. She only looked at me and then pulled one of my gray hairs out. Not from my head, but from my nose. FML

Today was my boyfriend's birthday. As I was about to hand him my gift, his mother jumped in front of me and asked if she could go first. Trying to earn a little goodwill after a misunderstanding about a medal, I let her. She was so proud of the little plaque that she bought him. It read "Beware Of Greeks Bearing Gifts." FML

* * *

I know in Communications Breakdown, Jess invites Don over to HER place. Not the other way around, but for the sake of the story I needed it to be Don's apartment. I couldn't think of a reason why Danny would be at her place bothering her with the baby names. I'm sorry for breaking FA canon.

This FML was also inspired by TitansRule, who used the phrase in her story Time's Up (check it out.) Thank you for reading!

Merry Christmas and have a Happy, yet safe, New Year everybody!


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Santa didn't deliver, and the rights to the show weren't in my birthday gifts. But at least we can have fun here! :)

* * *

Today I was resting on the couch after a long case in my crush/partner's office, when I felt something brush my temple and slide into my hair. I smiled and opened my eyes thinking it was my love, until I saw that he was working quietly across the room. Then an employee of ours burst into the room and told us that the tarantula that we were extracting venom from, escaped. FML

Today I faked being sick due to the Blue Flu, that's why I was coughing on the phone when I answered it. It was my mother. She raced to my apartment to take care of me and won't allow anyone over, even my pregnant girlfriend. FML

Today I came home to my husband after two weeks visiting my family. He opened his arms and asked if he could hold me for a little while, because he missed me. I didn't want to because I felt like a whale, but he told me to stop putting myself down, that I was beautiful to him. So I sat down on his lap and returned his huge hug. Being held in his arms was wonderful, until I opened my eyes and saw the look of pain on his face. He whimpered that he couldn't feel his legs. FML

Today I found a set of training wheels on my desk at work. I'm new and thought I was being taunted by the CSI who was teasing me at a scene. So when he walked in the door with my new partner, I threw them at his head and told him I didn't need them. I didn't realize that my training officer set them on my desk while he went to the bathroom. It was for his daughter's new bike. FML

Today I decided to teach the detective working me about the wonder of magic, so I locked up his wrist to mine with the fake cuffs we received in the magic kit. No one told me that a fellow CSI had taken the magic kit _back _to the magic shop on his way out of town, leaving his own cuffs behind. Now we have to wait 24 hours until FedEx gets his keys to us. FML

Today I was told to wait at my desk; I was going to meet my new partner. While I was waiting, I noticed that my new partner's papers and files that were cluttering up his desk were threatening to fall onto mine. I started to push the piles away when a beautiful woman walked up to me. I straightened my tie and asked if she wanted to sit down at my desk, it was better than having to deal with the slob's. Her polite smile disappeared, as she told me that she was the 'slob.' FML

Today I had a date with someone online. I found the piece of paper that held my screen name along with the password...now if only I had written down the site it belongs to. FML

Today I walked into Reconstruction and saw my team standing around. I found out that of one of my employee's was going to demonstrate something, as I was about to silently back away she reassured me that she had someone else to experiment on. Relieved, I asked who her guinea pig was this time. It was her husband. FML

Today I had to get a series of rabies shots. Why, you ask? Because I was feeling sorry for this little rat who was staring at me outside of the precinct. After a day of autopsying his possible brother or sister, he bit me when I tried to share my egg sandwich with him. FML

Today I took my wife out for a romantic evening, just the two of us. The Zagat's guide was perfect in recommending this restaurant, because I have never tasted food as delicious as this. So delicious in fact, that I had to have second helpings of this one dish. It was only when my throat start clothing up that I relized my mistk in orderthing the crem soupth. I didn'th kow thad 'Walla Walla' ment that the onins cam fro ther. FML

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It may take me awhile to get back to your reviews, but I will get to you. I promise. Thank you for reading! :)


	15. Bonus II

Hi Acuna Magnus Bane, thank you for your review! Welcome! I get my ideas from watching the show on a repeated loop, and being the weird person I am, after reading FMLs on www(.)fmylife(.)com...this was a natural conclusion. :) The way I stumbled upon the website was a friend, Hylen, on here told me about it on the fansite New York Angels run by Brinchen86. I hope that answers all of your questions and hope that you have a great time on this site. Acuna Magnus Bane has a Don/OC story up, I hope that if you love that, then please stop by.

Disclaimer: I don't own, but I do love the craziness!

Enjoy!

* * *

Today I woke up in great mood, I made myself a waffle breakfast and still had enough time to get to work. That mood evaporated when I found my motorcycle trashed by someone keying words like "Cheater" and "You're an ass, Danny" into my brand new paint job! Danny who? FML

Today I was almost fired by my boss for giving a customer a cup of coffee on the house. It's not like it was my fault that a bird dropped an eyeball in her other cup! FML

Today the subway line that I ride into work was temporarily shut down due to an electrical problem. It would have been fine, if I wasn't stuck in a packed car with this creepy guy telling me and all within hearing distance the origins of necrophilia. FML

Today my shower was interrupted by someone at the door. Looking through the peephole, I saw this attractive brunette. Immediately I loosened my towel so it would 'accidentally' drop when I opened the door. I didn't know she was a cop or see her male partner. FML

Today I was tired and exhausted with moving into my new apartment. So after listening to a baby cry for twenty frustrating minutes, my nerves snapped. I marched next door and told the scruffy looking guy that if he didn't shut that kid up, I'd call the police. He gave me a look that sent shivers down my spine and slowly moved his leather jacket aside to reveal his badge. FML

Today I worked up the nerve to ask the cute bass player out at Cozy's. There was this curly haired woman that I none too gently pushed past as I was making my way to where he was. He was packing up his instrument when I introduced myself and asked if I could by him a drink. He politely smiled, pointed behind him, and said that he didn't think that his girlfriend would like that too much. It was the woman I pushed out of the way. FML

Today I was leaving a Ranger game when this guy followed me from the parking lot and into the subway. Before he could come any closer to me I opened my purse and quickly maced him. Turns out that my keys fell out of my coat pocket when I got up from my seat and this nice cop wanted to return them to me. FML

Today this car hit me as I was delivering packages on my bike, when a Good Samaritan ran up and opened up his medical bag and stitched me back together. As I was thanking him, he told me it was a good change from his regular patients. He was a Medical Examiner. FML

Today I was late for work. I usually take the alleyway as a shortcut to the bodega but it was blocked by this leggy brunette who told me to take another route. I asked her, "Who died and made you, God?" "He did," she told me, pointing toward the dead man half buried under a bunch of trash. FML

Today I watched this ragged man muttering to himself, gesturing to no one, and walking around picking up pieces of trash that was on the ground for a full twenty minutes. Feeling sorry for the bum, I walked pass the officers who weren't doing anything to help this man, and tried to give him five bucks. Startled the man squeaked in fright, that's when the officers jumped me and held me down. Turns out he works for the Crime Lab and now I have a court date. FML

* * *

I had a great time with thinking up the bonus chapter back in chapter ten, that I wanted to do more. I hope you all had a lot of fun with this and had a lot of laughs. I know I'm very mean to all of them...but I really have fun with this story. Thank you for reading! :D


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, the good people at CBS do.

One of these FMLs was inspired by madmush, while reading her story _The First Step_. I also wanted to thank panda bears for her review on _Hiding_, thank you so much! I'll wear my star proudly, along with the one I've gotten from rhyms. And welcome to a new reviewer, becca85, whose stories have provided me with a lot of laughter!

* * *

Today in the field we were waiting for an important call, our lab tech patched all calls to our cell phones. So when my mother called to wish me a Happy Birthday; everyone from SWAT, the uniforms, and the team heard it. It was fine until it ended with her pet name for me, her little chocolate bunny. FML

Today my boyfriend and I were out to dinner with our friends. They asked us how far along I was, when I was due, etc. Before I could open my mouth, my boyfriend replied when the button on the turkey pops, and pressed my belly button making a buzzer sound. FML

Today I invited my boyfriend over for Sunday night dinner with my family. When we walked through the door, my brother commented that he smelled bacon. My boyfriend immediately went off on him about disrespecting my father, me, and the badge before I could stop him. Sunday dinner at our house is breakfast; it was supposed to be a surprise because I know how much he loves bacon. FML

Today my mother was over babysitting and she happened to find some leather chaps in the hamper, doing the laundry I asked her not to. When she questioned me about it, I told her that I dressed up as a cowboy for my daughters 4th birthday. It wasn't until she left and that it hit me, she was at the Speed Racer themed birthday party. FML

Today I stepped up to help out an employee after I made an unintentional faux pas about her husband's ethnicity. The demonstration went great until the end...but she reassures me that my eyebrows will grow back. The wax strips didn't do any permanent damage. FML

Today I went to the gym that I joined a few weeks ago to get rid of my baby fat. While I was setting the resistance to the machine I've been working on, I noticed a cute blond staring at me. Trying to impress her, I jumped onto the machine and played it cool. After a couple of painful sets, I looked up to see her walking over. She told me that I was in it backwards. FML

Today my wife decided to visit my office. Last night at dinner, I told her about my experiment with a machine that would measure my neurons and show the emotional connection I had with a particular subject. Now she really knows how I feel about her sister, who is due to arrive in two days to spend her three week vacation with us. Surprise! FML

Today my date took me to a museum opening. I wandered off to a quiet corner to massage my aching feet from the way my new heels were pinching my toes. As I sat down on the bench and was admiring the sculptures around me I felt something wet underneath my hand. I got up and noticed a little sign that said "Wet Paint." There goes my favorite little black dress. FML

Today I had to process a garbage chute. To pass the time, the detective working with me told how last week my partner did the same but almost got hit with some trash. We laughed until I stuck my head back in and some kitty litter came pouring down. FML

Today I realized how close my best friend's wife and I have gotten during his paralysis. At lunch we were bringing back our Philly cheesesteak sandwiches to the car when she asked me for my handkerchief, she had a leak. Silly me, I handed it over thinking it was to wipe up the bag until she put the handkerchief down her shirt. FML

* * *

All of the pregnancy FMLs in here are a result of my sister and I learning what my mother went through in having us. She is in her element now that my sister is in her seventh month and is having a great time in exacting her revenge. The only downside now is she is on my case to get married and give her more grandchildren, thanks sis! :D

Thank you very much for reading, I hope you had a good laugh!


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own anything related to the show. :)

If I have any fans still out there, I want to sincerely apologize for taking so long in updating this. There is no excuse.

* * *

Today I realized how close my husband's best friend and I have gotten during my cowboy's paralysis. When he entered the apartment using his emergency key, I didn't know that he would head to my bedroom when he called out to see if I was home. I wish it hadn't been when my husband and I were exploring the fact that he can now feel things below the waist. FML

Today after a bout of passionate lovemaking, I was lying on my back with my girlfriend snuggled up against me when a horrible thought flashed through my mind. She had an interview with a waitress a while back, saying she had given much better performances...and it led me to thinking. So I asked her in all seriousness if she had ever faked an orgasm with me. She only smiled mischievously, her black eyes twinkling, and told me that I'd never know. FML

Today in a nice restaurant I was attempting to give my partner a rose that I pulled out of thin air when my arm exploded in flames. After my arm was put out, we were told to leave the restaurant and to never to come back. I didn't know the residues of stunt gel seeped through the protective gear and onto my clothing. FML

Today I walked into work and greeted my boss after being out sick, he said hello and docked me two days pay. I should've realized that posting my awarding winning photos at the Guitar Hero contest was a mistake. Especially since my boss and I are Facebook friends. FML

Today I forgot to tell my friend that game night was off, now I have to pay him $300 to get a new Wii console. He broke his old one when he walked off the elevator and saw my new girlfriend in the nude. FML

Today I decided to grab a slice from this new pizza place that I found. While waiting in line, I couldn't help keep an eye out after the last time I was in a joint like this. I saw a man with his buddies looking suspiciously at a piece of paper in his hand; he hid it quickly when he caught me looking at him. I pushed back my jacket to reveal my badge and gun, walked over to quickly rip up the betting slip. I should have looked at it first; apparently he was trying to memorize a speech in order to propose to his girl later that evening. FML

Today it took my boyfriend twenty minutes to decide between a plate of white chocolate macadamia cookies or me in a black negligee for dessert. FML

Today my wife complained about my hair being too long when my daughter came to my defense and said she liked it that way. It was four hours into my shift when in the interrogation room a suspect_, a suspect, _asked me if I knew that I had Rainbow Brite barrettes in my hair. FML

Today I was hosting my own naked sushi party for my boyfriend when I felt a tickle. Now I know the difference between raw and live shrimp. FML

Today my wife helped me home after being poisoned by radiation. My daughter and her boyfriend were there to make sure I was alright; everything was fine until he asked if my bout with radioactive materials will now give me super powers. He's a med student at Columbia and maintains a 3.9 GPA. FML

* * *

One of these FMLs was inspired after reading smut1956's story **Flowering Anew**, it is such a beautiful story that it brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry for twisting it into this. :)

I was also inspired by Webdlfan, Brinchen86, Lily Moonlight, TitansRule and many others who have helped me with comments and their stories. Thank you again for reading, I hope you had fun!


	18. Bonus III

Disclaimer: Do I have to do this every time? Its getting painful knowing how I won't ever own them. :)

To Juliab: Thank you for your wonderful and kind words on Bicycle Spokes, it was so awesome to see that I touched you and others with my interpretation of Danny's dad and how they get along. I'm glad that you enjoyed it and I have to say that the following words were my favorite part of your review. "Sometimes grandparents can become the parents they always wanted to be." That's so true! Thank you!

* * *

Again a long Author's Note:

I want to thank everyone for sticking with me on this bumpy ride, called CSI NY FMLs! It may seem like a simple story, but I don't think it would surprise anyone to know that I have a hard time getting my thoughts in order to express myself. Let alone getting inside the characters we've all come to love to make fun of them. Looking at you who have reviewed, I can see so many different ships. So thank you for showing that no matter who we love and follow, we all adore this show.

Thank you to those have reviewed: Hypedupash, Brinchen86, lily moonlight, Brown-Eyed Girl 75, xocsinylvrMesserMonroe, newyorkminute, just-off-the-key-off-reason, Storywriter, DantanaMM, unlikelyRLshipper, SMacked Hard, Fourteen Lights, cindym30, laurzz, DNAisUnique, Lola-Ladybug13, BlueEyedAuthor, xDollfacex, racefh853629, SMACkedHuddy, serenimon02, iheartcsinewyork, the-almost-invisible-kid, Nik Nak17, Is-Brea-LiomCSI-NY, Promising Love 625, iluvcsi4ever, Lime Sweet Pea, dannymesserforever11, StaraptorEmpoleon, alwaysinmyheart16, dogtanian, webdlfan, messermonroeforever125, Yoto-Ziva-Blye, handwritten16, SM-FA-RaiNtrain, Whistling Jester, purplequeen6 (she has a dot in between the purple and queen but the site won't recognize it), rhymenocerous, Montanagirl2009, RoseBrina, acuna magnus bane, becca85, CTI-Jenn, ioanhoratio, Izzi Creo, Lady-Buster, csifan1101, and last but not least to the lurkers!

A HUGE Thank you to my 200th reviewer, Lady-Buster! *huge hugs* WOO-HOO! Wow, if someone told that I would make it this far...I wouldn't have believed them. It's awesome to be so wrong! :D

* * *

Today while visiting my son, I walked in on him smoking a carrot. This was not how I taught him to respect his vegetables. FML

Today my daughter borrowed a dress from my closet to wear on one of her first undercover assignments. I was so proud, until she came home in a huff about how the dress she took, made the other officers mistake her for a call girl. After looking at the dress she took, I see that it was the one that I wore when I first met her father. So that's the reason why my husband left his drinking buddies at the bar to come over and talk to me. FML

Today I invited my son over for dinner. He always goes nuts over my corn beef Wednesdays, and with his schedule, I don't get to see him that often. I'd just set his plate down on the table when he fell on it like a starving man. I went into the kitchen for more, when I heard him making the most disgusting sounds while eating his meal. Without looking, I told him to slow down it wasn't going anywhere. How was I supposed to know that it was the dog cleaning himself? FML

Today I learned from a dear friend that we were going to visit New York for an art exhibition, I was so happy I couldn't keep the news to myself. I had to tell my daughter when I came home that night. She was excited about the trip, so excited, that she had used her finger paints to make me a picture of us in Manhattan. Unfortunately she used a very famous painting that I just restored, as her canvas. FML

Today my son brought over his girlfriend to met us. I was ecstatic! This was the first time I've ever met one of the girls he was dating. I told her about this girl he had a crush on at work, she's most likely a woman with very low morals. Montana sounds like its a fit name for a porn star! While my son was choking on his chicken parm, she glared at him and turned to calmly tell me that it was his pet name for her. I tried to laugh off the awkward silence, I mean its not like she's pregnant. FML

Today I was on my way to the lab to pick up my daughter for lunch and make a girls' day of it. Her boss, a lovely man, helped me get a pass and led me to where she was doing a reconstruction of a scene. I don't think either of us were prepared to see her hanging from the ceiling in patent leather, with her partner exchanging money with the other men standing around. Well, at least I learned what 'forniphilia' means and it is _her _turn to pay for lunch. FML

Today after being arrested by some _woman _in my son's office, over some accusation with a medal. An officer was taking my prints when my son arrived at the station house. I was so relieved that he showed up to clear up this mess, but the smile in his eyes told me a different story. He told me it would teach me a lesson after grounding him so much as a teenager if he left me to spend a night in jail. Lord save me from children who don't respect their elders. FML

Today while my son was visiting me, I decided to take him to my weekly lunch with the ladies. As I was showing off my doctor son to my friends, he began telling us about how fascinating his life is. Like the time he and a colleague had to examine a shark's stomach contents, finding a flap of human skin inside. I really regret ordering the sea bass. FML

Today I received a call from my daughter, to found out that she had been hospitalized after being bitten by a snake at a crime scene. A snake? First a tiger, headless bodies, and lube wrestling. How will she ever get a husband or give me any grandchildren this way? FML

Today my son came home from The Culinary Institute of America and told me after spending all this time working on cooking up some amazing dishes he would rather go back to medical school and finish up his degree in forensic pathology. So what I'm getting from this, is that after completing his Bachelor's degree at the Institute he'd rather cut up humans. FML

* * *

Don's FML...that was a real life thing that happened to me. My childhood dog was in the process of thoroughly cleaning herself when my mom, with her back to me, yelled at me to stop eating. I wasn't. My then 13-year-old sister laughed so hard she nearly choked on her Jolly Rancher. Yep, a very loving family, LOL.

I was asked by becca85 on whether or not Jo will be added to these, while I do like her and Stella, I feel that since we've only seen her for a season that it would be too soon for me to make fun. I do NOT want to offend anyone who doesn't know my sense of humor and think I'm bashing her. But that doesn't mean I don't have things planned, she may show up in relation to the other FMLs and in some Bonus chapters that are in the planning stages.

If you are reading because you love these character or just want a good laugh, I wanted to say that your support and time with reading this story means a lot to me. Thank you from the depths of my heart! *huge hugs*


	19. Chapter 19

I don't own CSI NY. Don's FML is for Lady-Buster, I hope you enjoy it! :)

* * *

Today as my leg was being humped by a little beagle at a dog show, I came to the most unsettling conclusion...this is the first time I've been touched by a male in months. FML

Today while visiting my in-laws in the country, I decided to give the wife a little thrill by climbing up the ivy covered trellis to her childhood bedroom. Later that night we woke up with itchy red bumps...the doctor tells me that the reason my reaction is worse than hers is because I'm allergic to poison ivy. Now I have to sleep on the couch for the rest of my vacation, and my father-in-law knows his plan to keep boys from sneaking into his daughter's bedroom worked. FML

Today I went over to my boyfriend's apartment to drop off some corn beef and cabbage casseroles so he wouldn't have to cook. He's been looking haggard all week from working on some major cases, or so I assumed. Instead I find out that he and the crime lab's senior tech, have been spending all of their time competing for the highest score on Robot Unicorn Attack. FML

Today I went on my first date after I killed my last boyfriend. We went to a nice restaurant and the food was lovely. It would've been a great date except that the waiter asked my date if he was single and would he like his number. My date said yes. FML

Today my girlfriend and I were at a party when I was paged to go into meet the CSIs at a scene. If I had known I would be working I wouldn't have agreed to my girlfriend's plans for the night at her friend's. A five foot nine Ron Weasley in full Harry Potter gear isn't what the detectives had in mind when they called me in to collect evidence. FML

Today I bumped into this curly haired woman as I was leaving Sullivan's, spilling her Bloody Mary all over her white sweater. I tried to get her number so I could pay for her dry cleaning, but she told me off instead. The next day my captain introduced me to my new partner, the woman from the bar. My wife is going to die laughing. FML

Today I was finally done and ready to go home when my new partner, who makes fun of where I come from and embarrassed me in front of my new boss, stopped the elevator doors from closing saying he needed to talk to me. Overwhelmed by the whole day, I went off on him, telling him loudly that it was my first day and all I wanted to do was go home to relax. He became all huffy and said fine, he only wanted to tell me that I smelled like tiger dung, letting the doors close as he walked away. The five other people in the elevator agreed with him. FML

Today I decided to show my new girlfriend, how I too, can be as spontaneous when she showed up at my apartment naked. So I took off my boxers and donned my trench coat in order to go and surprise her at home. When she let me in I let the coat drop to the floor leaving me naked and cold. Having her mother walk in from the kitchen was bad. But not as bad when all she did was look at me and then told my girlfriend she forgot to pick up some Tootsie rolls at the store. FML

Today I was having fun with a friend, asking her to describe the bird who dropped an eyeball in her coffee. Did it have a scar or any outstanding features that we could identify him with, but she only glared at me silently. Only seconds after I made the pun 'that he may have flown the coop' as she stalked away, I felt something wet land on my head. FML

Today I was messing around on my daughter's computer while waiting for her to meet me at her dorm. When I found in her bookmarks a website that allows people to spill the beans about life's problems, I nearly busted a gut laughing at these sad and funny tales, only to recognize my daughter's screen name. Looking over her various posts, she's been complaining about the crazy and creepy stuff her mother and I've done over the years. A lot of people seem to agree that her life sucks. FML

* * *

I apologize now for Sheldon's...I don't know what I was thinking but I hope you found it funny. As always I hope you enjoyed and had fun with where my mind took me. Thank you for reading. :)


	20. Bonus IV, 2nd Anniversary

My second anniversary...its unbelievable that I've been racking my brains for comedic things to do to our favorite characters for two years now. Some have been misses and others hits, but what really makes my day is that what I'm sharing with everyone has made your day a bit brighter by giving you a chance to sit back and laugh. So while this is old to a lot of you, it's not for me...thank you. Thank you so very much for stopping by and taking the time to read. It's appreciated and treasured.

* * *

For the reviewers that I couldn't get to on Tanglewood House:

FAN5SM: I don't speak Spanish but I used a translator, I hope it works. ¡Gracias, estoy contento que usted se divirtió lectura! ¡Espero que le diera una risa buena! ¡Otra vez, gracias!

MSFanGirl: Thank you! I'm glad that you had fun reading it!

And Brinchen86: Thank you, woman! It was only hiding under the MS section, LOL! And don't worry, yours is in the works! ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI NY or anything related to the show.

* * *

Tossing and turning in bed for the better part of the night, Mac throws off the covers and thinks about what he always does when Stella works the night shift without him.

Work.

Almost done with all of the personal evaluations, he notices that Stella's file is the only one left. Lightly banging his head back against the headboard, he sighs trying to come up with the perfect way to handle this. Sinclair, he smiles to himself. Let him deal with the headache. Its not that he doesn't love her, but when she's determined to get that raise she's not so subtlety hinting for...he'd rather face another hostage situation. His cell phone on the nightstand rings and as he reaches over for it, the time on the clock screams at him.

3:33 a.m.

No, his mind screams as his hand trembles over the phone. This can't be happening. No, not again. Drew's in jail.

Before the caller can even speak Mac explodes. "I don't know who you are or what you're trying to pull. But if you don't leave me alone, I'll hunt you down, and make sure that you can never hut anyone ever again!"

Ending the call with the savage press of his thumb, Mac slams the phone down next to his clock. His chest heaving with frustration, he places the heels of his hands over his eyes as he silently asks for answers. Thirty minutes later, Stella steps into their bedroom to find him in the same position.

"So, did you get any calls lately," she asks expectantly tapping her heeled toe, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

"Yeah, some joker called me at 3:33 a.m! He deserves to be shot!" Mac explains as he rubs his hands down over his face. "How was your day? Did you find anymore evidence on the killer who strikes at midnight?"

Narrowing his eyes at her posture, he asks. "Why? What do you know about the...," he trails off in horror as the truth dawns on him. Grabbing his phone with the same sense of dread, he quickly flips through his recent call list to see who the caller was.

Stella.

"Stella, I swear I didn't kn...," he starts only to stop at the sound of the bathroom door being slammed shut.

_**Today after a long night shift, I called my boyfriend just to tell him I loved him. When he answered, he yelled into the phone to leave him the hell alone and slammed the receiver down. I hadn't realized that I called him at 3:33 a.m. FML**_

"Hey Don, what are you doing back in uniform?" Officer Dolores Chavez, the buxom Latina, asks walking up to the tall detective in uniform at the St. Paddy's Day parade.

"Are you missing the good old days, Detective," teases Officer Sally Kirkpatrick sliding up next to her partner.

Glumly Don pulls at the tight collar of his old uniform; the cleaners must have shrunk it. "No. I'll have you know that I was assigned by Lt. Sythe, he wanted to have some _real _police officers keeping an eye on things."

Watching her partner bristle at the insult, and before the feisty blond launches into tirade about how they are _real_police officers, Dolores laughs stilling her partner. "You're so full of it, Flack! I heard about what went down at the 1-2. About how Angell saved you from making an even bigger fool of yourself."

_"...and another thing, the next time you decide to come out of your comfy little office to bark orders at us just as we are about to end our shift. Would it kill you to take a breath mint? It's bad enough having to listen to your grating voice, but we could do without smelling the liver and onions you had for lunch."_

_"Don," Angel interrupts yanking him aside after Scagnetti told her what was going on. "You do realize that your lucky lotto numbers matched the newspaper on my desk was from last week? Right?"_

_Don closed his eyes and could only sway when the sickening truth of Jess's words hit him. _

_"Is there anything else you'd love to get off your chest before I take all of your suggestions under advisement, Detective Flack? Or should I say Officer Flack, because we are short handed on volunteers for the St. Patrick's Day Parade this coming Wednesday." Lt. Sythe snidely asks popping a Certs into his mouth. "I'd be happy to see such dedication coming from an observant fella like yourself."_

"Enjoy pounding the pavement, Detective. It's going to be a long day," Dolores and Sally sing as they walk pass laughing at Don's expense.

_**Today I decided to tell my boss off after finding out that all of my lucky numbers came up on the NY state lotto! I was in the middle of yelling at him about how I have had it up to here with his barking orders at us hard working cops, when my girlfriend pulled me aside and showed me that my numbers matched last week's lotto. I hope my temporary reassignment to the St. Patrick's Day parade detail goes smoothly. FML**_

For Izzi:

"Why didn't you tell Lindsay about the poker game, Danny? Or is this just another fling? She's our friend-" Sheldon asks helping Danny set up the poker table.

Danny, dividing up the poker chips around the table, looks up at the questioning before interrupting. "Sheldon, man, I'm not treating her like Cindy. Lindsay's working the long shift today, she's still getting used to being back from Montana, and I wanted to give her a night off. That's all."

"No condom spray, then?" He glances knowingly at Danny, relaxing at the considerate action as Danny threw some blue chips at his head.

"Condom spray," Don asks coming out of the kitchen with snacks and various kinds of dip. He places them in between all of the players making sure his favorite is near him. "What's condom spray?"

Danny and Sheldon smirk at the memory of Lindsay demonstration earlier that day. "Condom spray," Sheldon explains spying the can in his friend's leather jacket pocket, "is liquid rubber, German engineering at its finest."

"I still don't get it," Don murmurs, "that's supposed to be reliable birth control?"

"You spray a fine mist like so," Sheldon grabbing a glass mug from the table, "making sure to cover all. Wait a little for maximum drying time, and then boom, instant condom."

Sheldon and Danny break out into raucous laughter at the fascinated look on Don's face as he takes the glass mug and looks at it from all sides. Danny pauses between taking deep breaths as the laughter still bubbles within him. "Does Lindsay know that you have her mannerisms down pat, Shel? You could go on the road with that."

"I still don't get why someone would do that. I mean where...how...? Never mind," Don shakes his head as his questions bring on more laughter, putting the mug down. So much so that Danny and Sheldon don't hear the doorbell. "I'll get it, and leave you hyenas to fixing up more of the snacks. It's probably Vince."

"Ah, that was fun," Danny wipes the tears of laughter from underneath is glasses. "That was one of the best days at work so far this year."

"Yeah," Sheldon agrees popping a tortilla chip into his mouth when a female and male scream startles them both. "What the hell?"

As they rush toward the front door, they find Don sitting on the floor against the closed door looking stunned with the sound of high heels running down the hallway.

"Are you alright, Don? What the hell happened? Who was that," Danny demands opening the door forcefully scooting Don a few inches across the floor. "Was it that crazy cat lady from 7G?"

"No," Don rises to his feet and avoids looking at Danny, "it wasn't her. Wish it was, but no. Um, I guess Lindsay decided to surprise you after work. She, uh, I looked through the peephole and saw her. She was dressed in that soft gray trench coat Stella helped her pick out two years ago. Well, when I answered the door she opened it and, I'm really sorry man."

"Sorry about what," Danny's voice drops dangerously low. "Sorry about _what_, Flack?"

"Sorry about the fact that Lindsay decided to show you how much she loves you by surprising you with wearing your favorite color of lingerie," Don quickly gets behind Sheldon, using the hysterical man as a shield even though he is taller. His friend may be of average height...but Danny will not hesitate in getting dirty in a fight. Especially if it concerns someone he cares about.

"You are so dead," he growls at Don circling around the two men. "So you saw her naked?"

"Naked? No, just in her underwear," Don tries to pacify Danny, only to see the blue eyes darken with fury.

"Enough! Both of you," Sheldon pulls himself away from Don with a glare, turning toward Danny. "This is your own fault, you should have let her know it was guy's night. So both of you, shut up and let's play. Sounds like the guys are here. Hey!" Sheldon's attention turns to the loud pounding to open the apartment door. "The guests have arrived."

"Can we put this behind us," Don asks Danny, who's still trying to calm down as their friends piled into the apartment.

"Yeah, I mean it's not like this was deliberate. It was an accident. Friends?"

Shaking his buddy's hand, Don smiles. "Friends. Though who knew underneath those lab coats lay a smoking body? OW, ow! That was my hand, man!"

_**Today I after work I decided to surprise my boyfriend with a little 'somethin, somethin' so I put on my raciest lingerie, my trench coat, and with a fresh can of condom spray; off I went. I really wish his best friend hadn't answered the door when I opened my coat. FML**_

"So how did meeting your new partner go?" Sherry asks swirling her secret spices into the bubbling chili, giving it a good stir. Wiping her hands on her apron, she looks over at her daughter concentrating with the force of saving the world on chopping the onions into uniform pieces. "Come on, angel cake. You can fool your father and brothers but not me. What happened?"

Sighing Jess puts down the knife and turns around to look at her mom. "I met him today. He was a bit of an ass but that's nothing new. First he called me a slob-"

"Oh Jess, you shouldn't be upset by that. You are a slob."

"Mom, I'm not a slob! I just hadn't arranged my papers into a system on my new desk," Jess angrily protests picking up the knife again and starts whacking at the onions.

Sherry puts down the spoon and walks over to embrace her baby from behind, stilling the massacre on the cutting board. "That wasn't an insult, Jessica, you're like your father. His desk, whenever I visited him at work to have dinner, you couldn't even tell that there was anything underneath all of those papers. Sheesh! I remember once I tried to tidy it up when he was in a meeting with his captain. Big mistake!"

"Cliff yelled at me for messing with his stuff! Apparently I missed up his_ 'system,"'_her mother scoffs picking up the knife and started to take a whack at the onions herself. "We almost lost our marriage over that fight. I think that was the last time I was 'allowed' to visit. That would have satisfied your grandmother," she pauses with a frown only to remember her daughter, who was just looking at her with wide eyes. "Ahem, as I was saying, it's okay to have your own way of doing things. You're neat and tidy at home, like me."

"So what's the big deal about meeting your new partner other than him not liking the way you keep your desk," her Mom asks popping a few onions into her mouth to chew on.

"After being steamed about the slob remark I went out on a call with Benton and when we got back I asked one of the CSIs where Detective Flack was. Messer told me that he was in the locker room, while Dr. Hawkes just stood there grinning. I should have known better, but I didn't. I walked in, and there he was walking out of the showers in a towel." Bent over holding her head in her hands, while her mother continues to pop bits of onions into her mouth.

"A towel? That's it? You were raised with four boys, Jess! I don't see the problem or embarrassment. Unless...OH!" She starts choking a little her face turning a bit red.

"Yep, the towel was around his neck at the time," Jess mumbles her head now buried in her arms, "only when he saw me I ran toward the door and Flack turned around and ran straight into one of the tiled columns. He knocked himself out and fell flat on his ass. Oh god how am I going to face him at work?"

"Like the way you do everything else, angel face. By grabbing the bull by the horns, okay that may not be the right analogy," Sherry backtracks as Jess shoots her a glare. "Can you at least tell me this...was it good?"

Laughter bubbles from Jess as she shares a devilish look with her mom, "that man has got a beautiful body. You could grate cheese on those abs, it was all I could do not to start drooling." Sherry chortles as Jess fans herself with her hand.

"Drooling? Over what? What's this about cheese?" Her father asks peeking in the kitchen from the living room with all four of her brothers behind him.

"Dinner's almost done, dear," Sherry runs over and pushes the men out of the kitchen saving them all from testosterone fueled hysterics. "Jess was about to grate the cheese for the chili."

"Nice save, Mom," Jess smiles bending down to get the grater out of the cupboards.

_**Today I met my new partner in the locker room when he came out of the showers in a towel. The towel was around his neck at the time. FML**_

"The last stitch," Sid gives a sigh wiping his arm across his damp forehead, "you'd think that a man who was stabbed several times by his so-called loving wife wouldn't require a ten hour post. But we want to be thorough, because-"

A muffled ringing interrupts his tired ramblings to check the tray where he keeps his phone. The tray is empty, looking underneath it, nothing too. What the, Sid looks around confused at the muffled ringing only to have his gaze land on the dead body in front of him.

"No, no, no, no, no, no," he mutters in horror patting himself down with more force than necessary, "no, ah!" Sagging in relief to find his phone in his pocket.

"Hello, my dear wife," he lovingly flirts into the phone. "Yes, I know its game night. Do you have the Twister mat all set up? No, we used up our last bottle of lube last week. What about the butterscotch syrup?"

He pauses to listen to his wife. "She did? I thought she was buying her own groceries now, not poaching on ours every time she visits from college. Okay, okay, I'll stop at the store before I get home and pick some up. Milk too."

"No, no, just finished a long post. Boy, you should see what his wife did to him." He laughs into the phone his voice soft and loving. "I think you'd find it fascinating...Yeah, I'll be out of here soon. Don't worry, I've been stretching all day so what happened last time won't be a problem. If the contractor had installed the hanging basket chair in with the proper tools and at the right height...No, no, that was your fault, you shouldn't have called Sheldon over to help get me out of there. I think that is why people won't come over when we invite them. I wasn't bleeding! It was barbecue sauce, remember? You said you wanted a taste of the Old West."

"I love you too, my dear. The time? It is," he looks down at his bare wrist. "Huh, my watch isn't on my arm. I'm sure it's around here somewhere...I know it was a gift from your father, I'll find it. I won't come home without it, I promise. Bye, my love."

Ending the call and putting his cell phone down in a safe place, he starts looking around and underneath the trays and basins when the tinkling of his watch reaches his ears. As he walks closer to the body, the sounds gets louder. With dread filling him, he leans over neatly sewn chest cavity. A little muffled but the sound of New York, New York plays as plain as day in the space where the man's heart used to be.

_**Today I was finishing up a ten hour post and was sewing up the body when my wife called. The sound was muffled, I was so relieved when I found it in my pocket. Until later, when I noticed that my watch was missing. FML**_

"Aiden stop complaining. It was only water," Danny opens his apartment door and steps aside to let her enter.

"Complaining? Do you think I'm doing this for attention? I was sprayed with something at that massage parlor! Who knows what it was? It could be water or something worse, like some sicko's DNA," she passes Danny as he pulls his key from the door to close and lock it. "Do you still my clothes from last week when Don and I crashed here to watch that cage match on pay-per-view?"

"Yeah, yeah, they're somewhere back in my bedroom. I haven't gotten around to folding anything." Distracted by the sudden knocking on his door, he waves her back toward his room. "I need to get this. Who's visiting me while I'm supposed to be at work?"

"Well, you could use your powers of X-Ray vision or try something new, like, opening the door?" Aiden ignores the hand gesture Danny throws her way as she leaves to give him some privacy.

She quickly takes off her clothes and starts to search for her clean one. Damn, Flack and his monster hot dog! I should have shoved that dog down his throat when he spilled it on me jumping up like that to cheer. "What or who is that," she quietly questions as she hears a loud feminine voice yelling at Danny in Italian. "Ohhh, this must be the infamous Cindy, Danny's been bragging about. Big boobs, little brains, nothing new about that."

An evil smile cross her face as she looks down at her black lace bra and panty set when an idea crosses her mind. It would put to shame anything that Don or Danny had ever played on her while working at the lab for the past year and a half. Tousling her hair and biting her lips to make them look swollen, she quickly plumps up her breasts to stroll out in the way she's seen many hookers do. "Hey Johnny or whatever your name is, do you still want that special massage? It'll cost you another two bills, I even throw in a hand-Oh. Hi Mrs. Messer, didn't know it was you."

"Apparently," Teresa's frosty voice replies. Her raised eye brow reminds Aiden of her undressed state. "I swear it wasn't what it looked like, I was only messing with Danny. Tell her!"

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about this earlier Ma," Danny holds his hands out in an attempt to stall the inevitable questions. "But Aiden and I...we've been sleeping with each other for a while now and before you ask, yes it's serious. We're getting married as soon as we can get a blood test, I like Danny Junior if it's a boy. So what if she'll be a big bride? At least our son will know that his parents loved him enough to provide him with a good home."

"I'll kill you, Danny! I'm dating _him_, I'm dating a lovely man named Omar," Aiden breaks out of Danny's arms and tries to strangle him until Teresa's voice stops her.

"I don't' know what's going on here and I don't want to know. Aiden dear, it was nice to meet you again. If this is a lie Daniel Messer, you've just broken an old woman's heart." His mother sniffs as she slams out of the apartment to leave her grinning fool of a son looking as his fuming partner.

"Why'd you do that?"

"Hmm, maybe because you decided to parade around in front of her in your underwear? There's a reason I don't bring my girlfriends to meet my mother, she'd have me married with a family to every girl I bring home." Danny shudders. Then starts looking over some bills he left on the kitchen counter. "Could you imagine me married with kids?"

Aiden only stands there, still in her underwear, glaring at him. "I curse you Danny Messer, one day you'll find yourself in that kind of situation and won't want to get out of it. And I hope I'm there to see it."

He only ignores Aiden and flaps his hand at her to mock her words.

_**Today I was splashed with some type of liquid at a massage parlor we were processing, so my partner graciously allowed me into his apartment to change. Hearing voices in the kitchen, I thought I would have some fun with his girlfriend. I stripped off my clothes and strolled out in my underwear asking if he still wanted that massage, that it would cost him an extra $200. His mother didn't get the joke. FML**_

"Hmm," Stella murmurs stretching like a cat in the hot Greek sun. Opening up her eyes she takes a small peek around ignoring the amazing view of the azure water to the gorgeous man beside her. Feeling achy in all of the right places, she smirks to herself; it was all that she had dreamed about and more.

_"Are you sure you want to do this," she asks Mac as they lay naked in the moonlight. _

_He brushes the curls from her jade eyes. "For the last time yes, I'm tired of running from the best thing in my life...I want you Stella Bonasera. You're my best friend, and I know what's going on in your mind. I won't let you walk so easily out of my life again."_

_As he dips his head to tease open those soft lips, she can't help but gasp and sigh with how skillfully he uses his hands. "Oh yes, more..."_

Yawning and stretching once more Stella opens her eyes further to notice the delicate shade of pink on her olive tone skin. For a moment her mind wonders about that, until it hit her that they forgot to redress after making love all night long. Grabbing her bag she frantically searches for aloe vera, until the thought of Mac makes her freeze in her tracks.

Sitting upright she slowly turns to the slumbering man next to her and while he'll always be gorgeous to her no matter what. That angry shade of red on his skin, all over his skin, makes her wince with the pain he's going to be in. Slowly she gets up and finds their clothing, dipping her summer dress into the water she brings it back and lays on the blanket for when Mac wakes up.

Stella grabs a bottle of water from her purse and shakes out two painkillers. Leaning over Mac's supine body, she gently rubs her thumb over his eyelids trying to wake him as quietly as possible.

"Hi," he smiles sleepily at her raising his arms over his head waking up. "I wish we could stay like this forever."

She lowers her eyelids to hide the worried expression from him, but it's too late.

"What? What's wrong?" Mac suddenly sits up and falls back on the sand screaming in agony, his skin protesting the horrible burn that covers every inch. Every nook and cranny.

"Mac, we need to get you to the hospital. Take these painkillers and we'll wrap my damp dress around you," she starts gathering up their stuff and runs to the car.

"This was supposed to romantic," he moans to her as she helps him wrap her wet floral summer dress around his waist.

"For better or worse, right?" She stops to look him in the eye, dressed toga style in her beach towel.

"For better or worse," he nods leaning slowly down to kiss her. His lips were chapped and burnt, but it was worth it.

"We wont' tell the lab about this, right?" Mac hobbles his way up the beach to Stella's rental car.

"About us or the burn?" Stella slowly helps maneuver Mac into the passenger seat, shutting the door with the utmost delicacy.

"The burn," Mac groans in pain, "I don't want to Jess to be a widow, or Lucy to grow up without a father."

_**Today I finally convinced the woman of my dreams that I loved her, then we spent all morning making love on a deserted beach in Greece. After waking up in the afternoon sun to some vicious sunburns, I wish I had the foresight to sleep in the prone position. FML**_

"Danny, give it up! The dog looks just like you, down to the spiked fur and goatee!" Sheldon laughs at Danny, who only shoots him a glare as he tries to feed the dog. After that experiment, the dog deserves a treat for breaking the case.

"So tell me, where you found him," Sheldon asks sitting on the edge of the desk trying to pet the agitated dog.

"I told you, he's a loaner. I got him from a kid in my building; I dropped by and asked Ruben if I could borrow him for the day. I must say I still don't see it, Mutt looks nothing like me. If he were bigger and a bit more muscular, I could...but nah. I'm not that scruffy."

"Yeah, you're a regular model for GQ," Sheldon tries to the keep the amusement at his friend's description of what Danny would be if he were a dog. "Because from what I can see, you and Mutt have a lot in common. For instance, with the way he's circling on Lindsay's green sweater. He's either about to mark his territory or cuddle up in her scent. Which is what you've been trying to do for the past year."

"What? Stop that! _Bad _dog!" Danny jumps up from his chair and races around his desk to Lindsay's finding the dog making himself comfortable in Montana's discarded sweater.

As he is about to pick the dog up, the canine lifts his head and with a vicious growl snaps at Danny's fingers. Laughing at the angry expression on Danny's face, Sheldon moves over to join him at Lindsay's desk next to Mutt. "You're right Danny, you two have nothing in common. Mutt likes to cuddle, which we all know from you protests, you don't cuddle. Or that's the word on the street according to Stella. I wonder what Lindsay's going to think of when she sees how much this dog enjoys laying in her faded warmth, rolling around in the soft fibers that caress her skin. What the?"

"Oh Sheldon, _now_I see the resemblance." Danny shoots his friend an insincere smile, enjoying the sight of Mutt raising his leg and peeing on Sheldon's shoes. Proud of the dog, Danny tosses him a Milk Bone and smirks at his friend.

"I guess the dog doesn't like being teased anymore than I do. Good boy, yes that's a very good boy." Picking up Mutt he leaves the office, only to wave goodbye at a fuming Sheldon Hawkes.

"Danny, come back here," Sheldon yells as he tries to wipe off the mess with office paper. "And these were new shoes too!"

_**Today I was in my friend's office teasing him about how much the dog, he brought into work, looked like him. I was having a great time until the dog lifted his leg and peed on me. My friend only smirked, gave him a dog biscuit, and told me that now he sees the resemblance before he picked up the dog and left. These were new shoes too. FML**_

"Okay, we have a busy day ahead of us today," Mac lists off the agendas in the conference room. "Sheldon I want you and Don to head over to Alphabet City we have another body dressed in a clown suit."

"Again?" Sheldon asks. "I thought we were making progress on finding out who did this?"

"We were, but then the case hit a wall and so far, nothing new has been found. Who knows, maybe this is the next break we get." Mac rubs his forehead in exhaustion. "Stella you're on your own, there's been several body parts showing up in and around the garbage cans of Central Park. Take Adam, some field experience should do him some good..."

"Danny stop it," Lindsay hisses pushing his wandering hand away from the back of her knee.

"I can't help it! Your skin is so soft," Danny whispers back, "and since my other hand is injured, this one has taken on a life of its own. What's that hand? Tickle your girlfriend's knee? Okay. See Montana, I tried to reason with it but it won't listen to me."

"You're a dork." Lindsay hides her smile and stares him down, turning back to the taking notes. "I mean it this time, STOP!"

Sheldon nudges Don, they look over to see Danny reaching underneath the table again to tickle Lindsay's knee. They barely conceal a laugh when Lindsay's little squeak of surprise makes it way to Mac's notice at the head of the table. "Danny, Lindsay!"

They jump apart and straighten up, pushing her skirt down. "Yes boss?"

"Danny you'll be helping Sid retrieve a floater from underneath the Brooklyn Bridge. Enjoy."

"Not another mermaid, Mac?" Lindsay questions as her eyes take on a shiny cast.

"No Lindsay, this one is clearly a male and with the advanced state of decomp, we're hoping it's that missing man from Maine. You'll be in the lab for today processing and making sure that the results get where they're going. If that's all, and no one has any objections, let's go and start our day." The team starts gathering up their assignments and notes to start their work week, when Mac's voice stops only two of the team from leaving. "Danny, Lindsay, can I see you two for a moment?"

"Busted," Don and Sheldon snicker as they walk past.

"Listen there isn't any official policy for dating co-workers, but please keep it to your own time. If the higher ups found about this, I would be forced to transfer one of you off the team. Are we clear?"

"Mac, we understand but I resent being held back like this. Montana and I are professionals and neither of us are going to jeopardize our work with personal displays of affection." Danny puts as much indignity into his voice, trying to keep his relationship with Lindsay safe from prying eyes.

"Really? Okay then, I have no reason to worry," Mac gets up from his chair and starts to walk out of the conference room. Danny and Lindsay giving a sigh of relief that the plan worked. "Oh by the way, if you hadn't noticed it Danny. The table is made out of glass, like everything else around here."

"So now everyone knows. Keeping our relationship from work is not off to a great start." Lindsay looks down and then at a sheepish Danny, and smacks him.

_**Today I was trying to tickle my new girlfriend with my uninjured hand, behind her knee under the conference table; but she kept batting it away during our boss's rundown of our caseload. After everything was finished, we were about to get up and leave when my boss announced how happy he was for us and to keep the tickling out of the lab. I forgot that the table was made out of glass. FML**_

"Are you supposed to be doing that, Adam?" Lindsay asks looking at the computer monitor resting her chin on his shoulder.

"Listen, I have your DNA running through CODIS for any possible matches and the fingerprint you and Jess collected from the turtle's shell in AFIS now. If there is anything to be had, I'll let you know. Relax, Chiquita!"

"Okay," she ruffles his red hair smiling at her new nickname, "just be careful. Mac's on the warpath about using the computers for anything other than work."

They both look warily across the hall from the computer lab to Mac's office where he and Stella are going over the budget. "Bye, Adam!"

"Don't worry so much! The NYC Wizard is hard to catch," Adam calls after her, "this won't take but a minute." He searches around CZar's Coliseum for the woman he's been flirting with for the past month. His willowy pink lingerie clad bunny that he met in the flesh last week at Club Random. Typing quickly to set up another meeting, Adam doesn't notice when the databases beep signaling a match.

But someone else does.

Adam laughing and talking to his bunny doesn't see the attractive brunette dressed in gold amour walking up to him. To get Adam's attention, she raises her eagle spear and taps him on the shoulder stilling the conversation with the red-headed bunny. "Adam, your results are in. I'm sure that Lindsay would love to get the robbery suspect off the streets before they terrorize another family when hitting a pet store."

Out of Second Life and back in reality, Adam freaks out looking around him frantically wondering who's watching him. He fails to notice the smirks from the people directly across the hall. Signing off, and grabbing the results he runs it down the hall to find Lindsay.

"That was bad, Mac," Stella stretches in her chair with a mischievous look on her face. "I don't think I've seen Adam move that fast unless it was to beat out Danny and Don for first grab at the doughnuts."

"Yet fun. Tell me you didn't get a good laugh," Mac slowly and methodically shuts down his computer for the night. Taking his coat from the rack in the corner, he puts it on turning toward Stella.

"What was it that Adam said to us? Be all that you can be?"

_**Today I was in Second Life flirting with this female bunny while waiting on some results, when another avatar walked up to me and told me to get back to work. FML**_

* * *

Now the purpose of this is to guess what chapter the FMLs are! I hope that you had fun with what I planned; it was something new I wanted to try.

Again, to everyone who has been with me since the beginning, the lurkers, and to those of you who have recently dropped by...thank you very much. Reading what you think and seeing that you're enjoying yourselves really does put a smile on my face that lasts for weeks. *hugs* Happy 2nd Anniversary, everyone! :)


	21. Chapter 21

I don't own anything in relation to the characters or their story lines. I'm only borrowing what was fun and or messed up and using it for your amusement and my own. :) Enjoy!

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Today after being mistaken for a stripper while processing a victim, I was waylaid by the manager and told that if I ever wanted a job, to call him. Only if I came back with boob job, that is. FML

Today the $200 concert tickets I paid for arrived in the mail. But I won't be able to use them, since I helped put away the violinist for murder. FML

Today my girlfriend moved in with me and she brought her cat, Detective Sergeant Whiskers. She named him after her father because it was his birthday present to her. I don't know what's worse, that I have to take a little pill everyday or the fact that the cat outranks me. FML

Today I was bored with my paper work and wanted to explore more about 'nexting.' I was nexted to the same boy who was doing his science homework. And before I could tell him I wouldn't help him with the explanation of the reproductive system, his mother entered his room. Now not only am I behind on work, but somewhere in Mississippi a woman thinks I'm a pervert. FML

Today after flying in from New York to visit my family in the country, my five-year-old niece asked me when I'll get a cat. "Why a cat?" I asked. She said that she heard her father, my brother, talking about how in spite of the increased ratio of men to women in NYC I'd be better off with getting a cat. She thought that it would be fun to play with them when she came to visit me. I'm twenty six years old. FML

Today I was literally up to my elbows in a man's gullet when four more bodies came in with their heads' blown off, adding hours to our discovery. When my new forensic tech asked when we'd break for lunch, working with the bodies had made him hungry. FML

Today the head of the crime lab and I went to Laughing Larry's to buy an exploding cigar for an employee of ours. We bought a special 'Its A Girl' wrapper for it and gave it to him. To see him hand it off to his best friend, he decided to quit smoking since his girlfriend told him she was pregnant. While it was exciting to anticipate his best friend lighting the cigar, it quickly turned to dread when he handed over to the Chief of D's in thanks for a whole weekend off. FML

Today I was showing my brother-in-law and his wife around the lab, when their baby suddenly needed changing. I considered myself an old hat at this since my daughter's three and graduated to pull ups, so I graciously volunteered. It would earn me some brownie points with my in-laws'. My boss tried to warn me that there's a difference, but I didn't listen to her. Now I need a new shirt...and some mouthwash. FML

Today I invited my boyfriend/partner over to enjoy a breakfast dinner. My dad and brothers weren't happy about it, but it didn't take them long to bond when they saw him loading up his plate with his usual. A generous helping of sausage biscuits and gravy, sausage links, sausage patties, four strips of bacon, two eggs over easy, and a large glass of healthy orange juice. Now they treat him like a long lost son and brother. It's great to know they bonded over the love of food, not me. FML

Today I found out I'm being investigated for insurance fraud. All of this because I told my doctor that the persistent cough I have, could be due to smoking a carrot in the name of science. FML

* * *

The Mac FML was inspired by a conversation with CTI-Jenn! :D Sadly the breakfast that Don ate is real, it's my dad's...and he wonders why he had a heart 'episode' a few years ago. *sighs and shakes head*

Looking around on the FML, I found a FML that was close to Jess's one in chapter eight. How cool is that? :) Thank you for your patience, I know its been a long time since I've updated this. I hope you had fun reading!


	22. Merry Christmas!

I don't own anything CSI NY related other than the DVDs, but again this year I'll be asking for them from Santa. Here's hoping! I also don't own any rights to the movies I mention.

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Today my mom and grandma called from my apartment, bored out of their minds and impatient to open their gifts. So I suggested that they watch a movie until my shift ended, then we'd celebrate Christmas together. It wasn't until I ended the call that I remembered the DVD I watched last night was still in the player. I don't think they'll appreciate a snowman killing Shannon Elizabeth in an erotic fashion as much as I did. FML

Today I was out with my family taking a walk in the snow. We were having a good time until I spotted a man snatch a woman's purse and take off. I caught up to him, slapped the cuffs on, and handed him off to a nearby uniform. The only problem with this is now my daughter won't look at me because I arrested Santa Claus. FML

Today my family decided to give me a beagle puppy for Christmas, so that I'd finally get over my fastidiousness of fur covering everything in sight. My heart was even growing attached on how well behaved and cute he is, because it wasn't bad having him around the party I threw later for my friends and co-workers. But since I never had a pet before, I forgot how fast the hours had flown by. I no longer worry about fur. FML

Today I was rushed to the emergency room wearing only elf shoes, a hat, and shreds of bloody wrapping paper. I had planned on surprising my girlfriend with a very special 'package' when she came home but learned how sharp her cat's claws really were instead. FML

Today I managed to be the first in line at Macy's. I raced ahead and snagged a gorgeous blue sweater off the rack for my partner, before this lady had a chance too. When she slumped over clutching her chest, I hurried over with my hand on my cell phone ready to call for help. She sprang to life, grabbed the sweater out of my other hand, and disappeared into the crowd! It had been marked down 80%. FML

Today at work I was feeling good about giving back to the community at large. When instead of shopping for gifts, I gave what I would've spent, to the needy. As I was expounding on what I had done to a friend, our best friend came in with the same Salvation Army bell ringer in handcuffs. Merry Christmas. FML

Today I realized that coming home after a double shift and frantically wrapping gifts an hour before my husband and toddler woke up was a very bad idea. She won't give back the Mets jersey that is four times her size, and my husband isn't too happy with his Cheer Bear. FML

Today I decided to surprise my parents by driving home to spend Christmas with them and my brothers this year. Only I arrived to an empty house and a note saying that they were in Canada celebrating with my aunt and uncle this year. Seems my family took the movie I gave them last year seriously. Christmas With The Kranks. FML

Today I dressed up like Santa to reassure my goddaughter that he was out and able to bring joy to everyone, when driving home I had an idea to bring a little joy to my partner and her family. I knocked on the door and when her son opened it I jumped in yelling Merry Christmas at the top of my lungs. They were in the middle of lighting the third candle on the menorah. FML

Today my daughter came home from college to spend the holidays with her mom and I, bringing her boyfriend along. It was fine. I had gotten over whole radioactive power thing that he suggested after I was poisoned. The holiday activities were going great until he had a little too much eggnog and we woke up to our lights rearranged so that something other than Rudolph's nose lit up. FML

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Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! An early update/present because you all waited so patiently. Thank you for reading, I hope you had fun!


	23. Chapter 23

*Running up, gasping out* I'm back! *sighs* This was long overdue, so those of you who want to get out the rulers and smack my hands for making you wait so long...please feel free! This is dedicated to everyone who has had the patience and stuck with me with my eighteen hour weeks and being sick as a dog for the last three weeks. Also to everyone who are all still waiting in my inbox. I will get back to each and every one of you, I promise.

...and Brinchen86, Lily Moonlight for kicking my butt to get this up! *huge hugs*

* * *

We may be from different ships or ideas of who should be together, but the one thing we do have in common is that we want another season. So please, click on the links below or visit my profile and sign CSI NY Operation 9 to let CBS know that there are still many miles to go before this is put to sleep. :)

Petition - http(colon)/www(dot)petitionbuzz(dot)com/petitions/csinyseason9

Facebook - http(colon)/www(dot)facebook(dot)com/Operation9

Twitter - https(colon)/twitter(dot)com/?iid=am-111949529413294235940797232&nid=24+friend_requests&uid=149629699#!/CSINYOperation9

Thank you for sending me the links, LME! You're a great friend! :D

* * *

Today my old hockey coach called to tell me that some kid broke my record for most goals scored in a season! I was having a good time reminiscing fondly about my high school days when it hit me. The geezer who handed me my plaque was four years younger than I am today. FML

Today I embarrassed my visiting daughter in the grocery store when she had to pick up some tampons. I told her that I was a doctor and she shouldn't be ashamed about her normal bodily functions. My wife didn't notice I was walking up to our front door explaining this, and opened the door unexpectedly. Guess where those tampons are now? FML

Today I needed to get my boyfriend back to his apartment and into bed, so I asked his best friend if he could help. As we were putting him to bed, his friend decided to interrogate me on our date the night before after seeing the shot glasses and the pool table. I was doing a good job at convincing him that we had a perfectly innocent time until the cue chalk fell out of my blouse. FML

Today my mom sent me a set of Angry Bird plushies for my birthday. It wasn't until I threw one at my boss today...that I realized I may have become too obsessed with the game. FML

Today I was arguing with the Chief of Detectives about how mature and ready for more responsibility my team is, when we were interrupted by one of the officers in holding. It seems that one of my CSIs celebrated too heartily after the Super Bowl and helped some other fans spray 'GIANTS RULE' on my truck. I'm a Jet's fan. FML

Today I invited my boyfriend out to lunch at my favorite diner. I was teasing him about not eating because he's known around the precinct for being a trash compactor. When he told me that it was because he and a CSI watched a waitress sweep up a dead rat. FML

Today I was having an amazing time with a cop I met at a crime scene a few weeks ago. It was still going so great afterwards, that I considered going home with him until one of his friends stopped by our table. He was a former suspect in one of my cases, Garage Joe. FML

Today a detective cautioned me about giving out my cards at crime scenes...I wish it had come a month earlier. Not only have I gotten calls from witnesses wanting free medical advice. But waking up at 3 a.m. to race across town thinking it had something to do with a case to perform a hamsterectomy isn't why I became a doctor. FML

Today after reading his coffee grounds, my friend invited me over to his place to watch some movies. Midnight Express and Missing. Apparently instead of a lecture of how concerned he was about my going to Greece, he could only show it through these movie choices. FML

Today I silently endured a lecture from my wife about not giving our daughter cookies before dinner. I couldn't very well tell her that as I was taking out the garbage like she asked me to, when the front door closed and locked behind me making it easy for our four-year-old to shake me down. FML

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Thank you for reading, it always makes my day to know that I made someone smile or laugh. :)


	24. Chapter 24

We may be from different ships or ideas of who should be together, but the one thing we do have in common is that we want another season. So please watch the show and click on the links below, or visit my profile. Sign CSI NY Operation 9 to let CBS know that there are still many miles to go before this is put to sleep. :)

Petition - http(colon)/www(dot)petitionbuzz(dot)com/petitions/csinyseason9

Facebook - http(colon)/www(dot)facebook(dot)com/Operation9

Twitter - https(colon)/twitter(dot)com/?iid=am-111949529413294235940797232&nid=24+friend_requests&uid=149629699#!/CSINYOperation9

Thank you for sending me the links, LME! You're a great friend! :D

* * *

One of these FMLs was inspired by Izzi Creo on a review she gave on DessaandKozakura's story Top 10 Ways To Annoy Stella Bonasera. If you haven't read either of them, please check out their stories, they're AMAZING authors! And anyone from England may want to put down their drinks and food now…it will come in handy later. This means you too Lily! XD

* * *

Today my wife and I continued our celebration of my promotion in the bedroom. We were getting pretty heated when she decided to say "hello to my little friend." Things deflated from there...literally. FML

Today the girl I've been dating for over a year broke up with me because I had been 'pressuring' her to do something she wasn't comfortable with. All I asked is if we could meet outside of Second Life. FML

Today after finishing up with a scene, a uniform came over and asked me if I could introduce her to the Sergeant I was just talking to. She finds him 'tasty.' He's my husband. FML

Today my boyfriend invited me over to his parents for an official sit down dinner to get to know them. They have this tradition of passing around a glass and making a toast in Gaelic. His mother wondered about how she was going to get any grandchildren because of my slim hips, his sister kept asking about his Doctor Who DVD collection, and to top it off his brother leaned over and told his big brother he admires his taste in ta ta's. It's apparent that they didn't know my boyfriend is teaching me the language. FML

Today the DEA took over my case; it was SOP in cases involving LSD and etc. I was so upset that I let them know about it. That's when they when thought it would be funny to ask if my tirade was the result of PMS. FML

Today I was making great time in the Midtown Tunnel until I was pulled over and fined while on the job. I now know that dead bodies don't qualify for the HOV lane. FML

Today I've been having a hard time staying awake, because of my new girlfriend. So I took a little cat nap during a refresher film for the lab. When I woke up the lights were on and everyone was staring at me. It seems that I talk in my sleep…in complete and graphic detail about my new relationship. FML

Today due to the fact my car is in the shop, I needed to be dropped off at my parent's place for a family dinner. My partner volunteered, grabbed a truck, and off we went. Due to the fact that I commented that it would be nice if the NYPD garage had fixed the truck's radio, I didn't count on being serenaded with the song No Sleep Till Brooklyn. It took us two hours to get there. FML

Today after interviewing a dear friend after an attack, I snagged an old T-shirt from my gym bag so she could leave the hospital in something safe. It wasn't till she put it on that I remembered what it said. "Frankie Says Relax." FML

Today my girlfriend wanted to go with me running when about half way through her cell phone kept falling out of her pockets. Fed up and wanting to get the run finished, I took her to a bodega and offered to buy her a fanny pack only to have her look horrified. I had no idea what that meant in English Slang. FML

* * *

Again, the credit for the Frankie Says Relax goes to Izzi Creo for her review on DessaandKozakura's story! I hope you got a good laugh and enjoyed reading this. Thank you! :)


	25. Bonus V, 3rd Anniversary

Five chapters in 12 months is not a good thing, and I know it. Life has literally been raining crap for my family and its not letting up anytime soon, so that is why I've had to disappear for the past months. This is not an excuse but an explanation on why this chapter and the next may not be funny. I seem to have lost my funny bone. I do know that I have a huge undertaking in front of me, with ten or more pages of stories to read and review, but I'm going to get on it.

This is my favorite story in which I can show a humorous side to everyone on the show. Not only that, but to have come this far and see that a lot of people were still with me...its humbling and so inspiring. If anyone had told me that I would be celebrating my 3rd anniversary with this story, I wouldn't have believed it. Its great to be wrong! :D

I'd also like to share how much everyone here has, from my first review to my last, given me a chance to laugh along with you and preen with pride that I could surprise and delight you with with stepping out of my safe zone and putting myself out there. It really is a scary thing to post but it's all worth it to see the numbers go up with all of the people reading and following. Thank you is such a simple phrase but its dear to me because I get to see so many different ships and fans, ones that you love, like or hate. Poking fun of them is a delight because most of them don't normally get to have fun the on the show. Either way, I'm glad to have met you. Thank you to:

Hypedupash, Brinchen86, lily moonlight, Brown-Eyed Girl 75, xocsinylvrMesserMonroe, newyorkminute, just-off-the-key-off-reason, Storywriter, Melpomene Lee, unlikelyRLshipper, SMacked Hard, love and petrichor, cindym30, laurzz, DNAisUnique, Lola-Ladybug13, BlueEyedAuthor, Ciara in cotton socks, racefh853629, SMACkedHuddy, serenimon02, iheartcsinewyork, the-almost-invisible-kid, Nik Nak17, noodlum93, Lindsey Renee, temporary relief, Lime Sweet Pea, dannymesserforever11, ObsessedwithBirds, handwritten16, dogtanian, webdlfan, messermonroeforever125, MakeMyStand41319, RoseBrina, RaiN-n-Rizzlesgal, Whistling Jester, 6, rhymenocerous, Montanagirl2009, acuna magnus bane, becca85, CTI-Jenn, ioanhoratio, Izzi Creo, Thorne Lockehart, csifan1101, ImaSupernaturalCSI, Daisy1966, Curleyswife3, and last but never least to the lurkers!

This chapter will be different like all of the bonus/anniversary chapters are. I hope that you'll notice and come with me in stepping outside of the neatly drawn lines of who the FMLs are about, everyone is in here in one way or another. I hope you have a good laugh. Enjoy! For Titansrule and CTI-Jenn, because while I asked for your help with two of these people...I had to get this up before it was too late.

* * *

Today I was reassured by the former ME/friend that everyone was going to give my briefing a chance. So I started out about the chap who went knickers up in a loo at the park when a main burst. It was causing all sorts of headaches for me since his wife's barrister wants details on who to sue. After a lack of questions, I looked up to notice a blank expression in their eyes. A brave detective raised his hand and asked me to repeat that, in English this time. I AM ENGLISH! FML

Today after hearing whispers and rumors about a kiss and my new partner's old one transferred to New Jersey, I was wary until seeing how much he loved his wife. That is until I nearly slipped wearing my new heels and in steadying me, his watch was caught in my hair. It would have been fine and innocent had his wife not walked back into our office and I hadn't been wearing my undercover clothes from Narcotics. FML

Today I was so excited about starting my new job that I didn't sleep and was dressed and ready a good eight hours before hand. As I was rearranging shelves and helping the other techs from the first shift stock the supply room, I was thanked for my helpfulness. That normally wouldn't have bothered me, had I not been called Chad. FML

Today I was kneeling on the counter searching the cabinets in the lab, when an arm reached out and brought out a roll of tape before I could reach it. My new partner explained with a smirk that the previous detective had no problem with it being stored on the top shelf. He said how he'd personally see to it that a stool was left out for me. FML

Today I had to dig around for some complaint forms in a detective's desk that I was temporarily filling while he was on medical leave. When I found a cache of sweets that reminded me of my five year old nephews. As I lifted up the sweets the last thing I expected to find was a family of cockroaches living off a half eaten Twinkie. FML

Today my mentor and boss left for greener pastures in the restaurant business, while I was left to clean out his office. I couldn't quite figure out what a book on sexual dysfunctions, a Slinky, and a whole host of other stuff that boggled my mind was left doing one of the drawers. Neither could the detective who walked in on me trying to figure it out. FML

Today after I stuffed my files into my locker a Post-It slipped to the floor, it read 'Good luck...and give as good as you get!' I didn't understand what it meant until the teasing began about my accent. I told them that at least mine didn't get as thick as theirs, so if they could repeat their observations it would be appreciated. My new partner then drawled, "what we've got here, is failure to communicate." Everyone nearly busted a gut laughing so hard...it's going to be a long day. FML

* * *

Again, thank you for reading...it truly gives me something to smile about! :)


	26. Chapter 26

I don't own the show or its rights to the characters and franchise. I only mess with them out of love and fun. Enjoy!

* * *

Today after a round of complaining about wearing a uniform again my wife went into our bedroom and came back with a male girdle. After being in a wheelchair for so long, _I_ was worried about my arms fitting through the sleeves. FML

Today I told by a friend that my niece refuses to be babysat by me because she found out I'm in the Gryffindor house, and she's Ravenclaw. FML

Today a friend loaned me out to another FarmVille farmer because of how well I took care of his crops while he was on vacation. When after three hours online the realization hit me. After nearly a hundred and fifty years, I'm back where my ancestors started. FML

Today after an embarrassing dinner with my family, I took my girlfriend into my old room hoping to explain when things got a little busy on my old twin bed. I pulled back the covers and found my old Star War sheets from when I was eleven. FML

Today I spent the entire day searching a barge full of garbage looking for clues. The worse part wasn't the stink that wouldn't leave me after three showers; it was the never-ending pack of dogs that chased me home. FML

Today I planned and executed my partner's birthday party without her guessing! It wasn't until we lit the cake and lowered the lights that she started fidgeting and ran out of the lab. I guess it was too soon after her apartment burned down. FML

Today after reading an article in Men's Health, my boyfriend decided to stop using deodorant to be more 'manly.' He's had his arm around me for two hours now and it's all that I can do not to pass out. FML

Today I was asked if I wanted to pose for an artist's new mosaic showing, it would have been flattering had he not been in custody for killing his previous muse. FML

Today my wife and I helped move my daughter into her new apartment. While there I used her bathroom and found evidence of a man living there. When her idiot boyfriend clapped me on the back last Christmas and called me 'Dad,' I thought it was a joke. FML

Today I was in the middle of helping some neighbors set up for a party right in the middle of the street when I learned there IS a difference between the country and the city. Curtains. FML

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Thank you for reading and if I get some more time on my hands...there will be more! :)


	27. Chapter 27

I did someone a great wrong in chapter 25 by not acknowledging that this whole thing, CSI: New York F My Life, wouldn't be here without this one person. The person who inspired this by showing me the website is Hylen, she's a Don/OC fan, and a wonderful person who gave a lot of us on NewYorkAngel's (a former website dedicated to Stella, Aiden, Lindsay, Peyton, Jess, and Jo) a chance to laugh and talk about the women on this show. Thank you for showing me this website, for without it this whole thing wouldn't have existed and I would still be scratching my head on how to come up with an idea to share with everyone on here. Thank you, Hylen! And Happy Birthday, I hope you had a fun and fantastic day!

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Today my best friend suggested that I take a couple of laps around the pool to relax since playing hoops with him and some others weren't cutting it. My date that night took particular delight in pointing out the obvious on how chlorine and blond highlights don't mix. FML

Today I found a voodoo doll that looked exactly like me, even had some of my hair, in my partner's desk. I didn't think reprimanding her for going to Greece would push her to these lengths. FML

Today while investigating a murder, we were interviewing people at a circus when a clown caught my attention. Thinking he had information I followed him out of the elephant enclosure to somewhere quiet and he showed me what he had. Pulling handkerchiefs out of your suit only works when you use _actually_ handkerchiefs. FML

Today I was placed on modified assignment; they took away my shield and gun. But that's alright; a friend gave me a yo-yo and whistle in case I run into any bad guys on my way home. FML

Today a girlfriend and I sneaked into a DJ competition when twenty minutes into it a guard walked up to us and asked to see our ticket stubs. After being escorted out, I was on my way home when I was beeped to meet my boss at a crime scene. Guess where? FML

Today I found a pair of ruby slippers, a broom, and a lollipop on my desk. With news of a hurricane about to hit New York City, the uniform I worked with seven years ago decided to remind me that the teasing never stops in the NYPD. FML

Today I served with an injunction, freezing all of my accounts putting a halt on my foundation. Why? Because my ex-wife found out that I'm now a millionaire and she wants an increase in her alimony. FML

Today I was in the bullpen dropping off some samples I processed for the detectives. When I had to share the date I had last night with this smoking hot brunette I met in the Apple Store. Then she walked in and greeted her big brother…the detective I was talking to. FML

Today I spent all morning on the phone with tech services trying to convince them I was alive. Because my log in ID was flagged and suspended after a mix up in the records saying I was dead and or retired. My dad will bust a gut laughing at this. FML

Today my girlfriend and were making out and about to move things into the bedroom when we remembered that neither of us bought any contraceptives when stocking up for the hurricane. FML

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If you'd like to help with the Hurricane Sandy Relief, please visit the Red Cross website. Thank you for reading!


	28. Happy Holidays!

Welcome to the FMLs XOXheartAmy! :D And thank you ObsessedwithBirds and Storywriter! *hugs*

My Christmas was great, I hope that everyone else's was just as amazing! Enjoy!

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Today after a HUGE Thanksgiving dinner, I was helped down to the ground to rest by a friend. After relaxing for a few moments alone, her daughter decided to sneak up on me and tackle me…sadly she found out 10 seconds later why you don't do that to a person who reached his fill with turkey and gravy. FML

Today in order to make ends meet, I had to take a job as an elf this Christmas. And my former team mates had to choose the day that I was at work to make sure I was okay. FML

Today my car was stolen while picking up some last minute items for Christmas dinner. As I was giving the uniforms my statement, the detective that I called to pick me up walked up and asked me when I replaced the batteries in my key chain. After swapping them out, my car beeped only a short distance away. FML

Today I found myself in a locked interrogation room with my daughter. The fingerprint and DNA kit that her godfather bought was put to use faster than I thought. Now I have to answer why I'm stealing cookies from Santa. FML

Today I walked into a Safeway to pick up some cookie baking supplies for my girlfriend when I noticed how packed the store was. I asked the manager why it was so busy and he said it was because it was 12 hours before the end of the world. He was serious. FML

Today my family and I rushed to the Emergency Room, when I was called about my boyfriend being attacked. My cat liked the string on his Christmas 'package' and wanted to play. Under anesthesia, he was going on and on about how I'd would've liked how he decorated. Mom found this hysterical, my dad and my brothers, not so much. FML

Today to make up for busting into my new partner's celebration of Chanukah last year, I brought a turducken to make amends. I didn't know that her daughter is trying out vegetarianism. FML

Today my family and I were driving up to my family's ranch to celebrate Christmas. I was talking about the HUGE display of Christmas lights that my parents set up every year when we pulled into the driveway. My family freaked out. I didn't know dad decided to go redneck this year with the reindeers. FML

Today I was alone in the middle of my last autopsy for the year 2012 when my back started acting up. I stretched and looked up to see a sprig of mistletoe above the dead body. FML

Today I went shopping on Black Friday with my friends. This usually isn't something that's news but since I'm pregnant with quadruplets, my husband is a little worried about me shopping alone. He asked me to call him from store to store to make sure that I was okay. After about 3 hours of this, I was getting irritated and didn't call when we arrived at Macy's. I was looking through the sweaters, to find him a good one this year, when my all day back ache turned into my water breaking. FML

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Happy Holidays, and I wish that everyone has a fun yet safe New Year! Thank you for reading! :)


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